Dreams, once more...

In my dreams, I am a different me
...in a different world
and I feel free ... my smiles are real
and I am able to feel once again,
something other than this pain...
I feel safe... I feel sane

Sweet dreams take me to somewhere real, somewhere new
But then quickly I fall, I drop... it turns into a nightmare
shadows reappear...i fall into darkness once more
The never-ending madness inside me over-powers me...
I try to run... but can't turn back..
it's clutches are so strong
When I finally feel strong and I am on my feet,
When I finally feel complete,
I lose it all....,
Into darkness, I sink once more

The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment,
when you are between being asleep and being awake,
when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy,
when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul
that the dream is a reality, and it really happened...

Lessons learnt from A Tea Cup

I read this beautiful story about a tea cup and there couldn't be perhaps any better inspiring lesson to be learnt than this story, when the chips are down, when we feel that God has been partial with us, that He has specially chosen us for all our miseries, that He isn't doing anything to lessen our miseries!

Once a couple had gone shopping to celebrate their wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, especially tea-cups. Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked "May we see that one? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."

As the sales-lady handed it to them, suddenly the tea-cup spoke, "You don't understand." it said, "I have not always been a tea-cup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me, pounded me, and patted me over and over until I yelled out, 'Don't do that. I don't like it! Let me alone!', but he only smiled, and gently said; 'Not yet!'

"Then, WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel, and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!', I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, quietly, 'Not yet.' He spun me, poked and prodded me, and bent me out of shape to suit himself, and then......

"Then he put me into the oven. I had never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door. 'Help! Get me out of here!' I could see him through the opening, and I could read his lips as he shook his
head from side to side, 'Not yet'.

"When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good! 'Ah, this is much better,' I thought.

"But, after I had cooled, he picked me up and brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were terrible. I thought I would gag. 'Oh, please stop it. Stop it!' I cried. He only shook his head and said. 'Not yet!'.

"Then suddenly he put me back into the oven. Only, this oven was not like the first one. It was twice as hot, and I just knew that I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. I was convinced that I
would never make it. I was ready to give up. Just then the door opened, and he took me out and placed me once again on the shelf. There I cooled and waited ------- and waited, wondering, 'What's he going to do
to me next?'

"An hour later he handed me a mirror and said 'Look at yourself.' And I did. I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful!'

"Quietly he spoke: 'I know that it hurt you to be rolled and pounded and patted, but if I'd left you alone, you would have dried up.

"I know that it made you dizzy to be spun around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled.

"I know that it hurt and was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked.

"I know that the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life.'

"If I hadn't put you back in the second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long, because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.'"

The moral of this story is:

God knows what He's doing [for each of us]. He is the potter, and we are His clay. He will mold us, and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance; when your world seems to be spinning out of control; when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to "stink", try this....Brew a cup of your favorite tea in your prettiest tea cup, sit down and think on this story and then, have a little talk with the Potter.

you continue to come in my dreams .. today as well you came ... your thoughts engulf me completely ... and i feel so vulnerable...burning ever so precariously my heart at this moment...but why do you keep coming back in my dreams, when i have been trying so hard to let you free from inside me? can't you see how much it's killing me?
do you feel a certain something in your heart, when i am missing you so terribly? doesn't your heart flutter when i place my hand on my chest, on my heart, closing my eyes and speaking out my heart? do you hear my heart's voice?
i am at a lack of words.....i get really frightened up when i am unable to stop my heart empty out my feelings... i fear what if your heart gets to hear them?
can i ever get over you? can't i somehow let you free, can't i somehow now stop loving you.. you are now married.. you are now someone else's and i really want to see you happy there ...
i have really tried so much.. tried everything to let you free from my heart now that you are someone else's... but your memories keep coming every now and then ... and then i feel like i still love you, i still love you madly even today ...
how many times have i told you that i will remain your friend forever... but why then these dreams, of you, the first thing in the morning? i get restless ... as if fate is trying to scrape my wounds ... i really dont want to come in the way of your happiness ...but when i see such dreams, i feel helpless, my buried feelings for you come up .. i feel this strong pull towards you once again ... i feel like loving you once again... i still love you so much... it is seeming impossible to get over you anyday ....
do you feel anything at those moments when i am missing you so terribly ? they say that words spoken from heart reach the other person's heart, no matter how much distance separates them...
yes, i really really miss you, i miss you terribly, even today...
i love you like crazy, even today ... and it seems like i can never live without you....
but you are now gone... gone forever, you are now someone else's ... why doesn't my heart learn to accept it? why is fate still playing with my emotions, letting those dreams come in me? what do i do now? how to take you out of me? it is definitely killing me, finding you in dreams.... when i really really want to say it to you that i still love you, .. i don't know why would i want to say that to you now... I haven't been able to take you out of me but I am forced to bury those words deep down in heart because you are now someone else's ...

Yet another emotional breakdown.. The problem is me ofcourse .... the cause .... again me ..... a sentimental fool I am.... I am repeating my mistakes again and again, I am not learning from past mistakes and that's has been happening so many times with me. If someone doesn't learn anything from his past mistakes and just keeps on repeating them, he/she is bound to stumble at some time soon. There just can't be any excuse whatsoever .... one may repeat a mistake once or twice or thrice...but repeating the same one again and again is like making a fool of himself/herself. I have made a fool of me so many times all these years, and yet again each time, getting up and continuing with the same line, not learning anything at all, as if nothing had happened. That's a fool of me.... It's not that I don't realise where I am going wrong each time ... I realise the real cause almost each time, but yet forgetting so easily what all had happened just a moment ago.

I have always been a very bad judge of people ... who is of what type, I have so many times faltered! and I am yet to know people or correctly judge people. And the main reason is perhaps I easily start trusting them with just a few sweet words said by them. The second most important reason --- my habit of getting emotionally attached with people, so much so that when hit, it really hurts. No two people are of the same kind ... that's true. But one should always keep a limit of everything...there has to be a limit. Excess of anything is bound to be of bitter taste. Each time I preach myself of these things and each time with a few sweet words, so easily forget everything and get on with it. And that perhaps has been the reason that have been hurt again.

Whatever be it ..... once you know that certain people are just superficially attached, one should then check oneself and keep within himself, held himself back. I had always believed that in every relationship, there should be no half measures .... just keep on pouring everything that you have, all that u have, into it -- ur love, ur affection, ur time, ur understanding, all that u possibly can give. But perhaps that's not the ideal way to go, atleast not always! Atleast that's what I have learnt so far. This should be the case if the other person is really deserving that. But what if the other person has all along just been playing around with u, ur emotions. All this long, these were just a time-pass and u were just a mode for that time-pass!

Now if I am bad at judging people, which I am, I should get back into my cocoon and lock myself up in my own world. Staying away from people, these superficial relations and perhaps everyone ...... away from orkut, gtalk, gmail ..... these three have been the main culprits for me, for all my setbacks with relations.... I should back off and stay away as long as possible....That's not the ideal solution, nor is a permanent one. But then, atleast that will give some respite for the time-being, away from everyone. How many times, such a phase has come in my life ...lost count ... but one thing is certain.... with time, everything becomes normal. Instead of just blindly following one's heart, sometimes one should go with the brain as well.

Keeping myself held back.... with my checked emotions .... closing my eyes to everything happening around and just being me with myself ... that should be the ideal solution for the time-being. I am sure, with time passing by, my emotional dependency will also go away. I just need to back away from everything, keep myself engaged in other works, my own works and not bother or interfere with others. Instead of dragging my feet into their problems, I should let them fight their own battles and me fighting my own. Nothing comes off from this emotional attachments, the less I meddle with others problems, the more happier I will be. I have perhaps got no right to keep myself off from my share of happiness and this emotional dependency has been the biggest cause of all problems and hurts for me. Let me try out, I am sure, with time I will get over it. I will have to ..... It's of no use making a fool of oneself again and again. And if I again don't learn this time as well, even God can't help me out the next time around!

This has become a routine affair now... sleepless nights, wet eyelids... filled with rambled thoughts.. excruciating pain inhaled with every breath that i take.. a turmoil inside my soul..
trying really hard each day to accept the truth.. to accept my fate.. to be happy and to feel content -- for you & for me -- but this heart continues to drive me to insanity.. confusion has induced me to make allies with contemptible thoughts.. but no one can ever understand why i love you still.. i understand its so wrong now.. but i find no other way but to keep loving you...being filled with irresistible emotions..
fate had it that we met.. Two complete strangers, out of nowhere. Yet, even if we were always afar, but i always could feel an inexpressible joy of entirety with you, when you used to be on the other side... bcoz ours has always been a special relationship built affectionately, nurtured with care and luv.. a bond so strong that even if i sometimes try hard to remain silent, or to go away from u, I am finding it so impossible... I have got addicted to you.. i just couldn't know when tides of love just engulped me into its possession & eyes and heart got filled with dreams..
but fate had it that i wasn't deemed worthy enough for you.. so my dreams were to get crushed
it was like a howling wind came & destroyed my sand castle the moment i completed it!!
I never had the maturity to handle tougher situations... and never have i been able to go along by what mind says...rather i have always followed my heart devotedly... and this fragile faltering heart now makes me do things i am confused about.. not knowing where will it take me to..
i realise that God didn't grant me you because i wasn't worthy for you.. i dont know what's kept in store for me in future but i surely know that i can never get another you... and so can never love anyone again, as much as i love you...
it's only in dreams now that i can keep you before my eyes, all day long looking at you, into your eyes and living every single moment like a lifetime of bliss..
it's only in dreams now that i find solace, imagining your smile on any of my silly jokes or of our happy times spent and memories made..
it's only in dreams now that i find utter happiness when i play pranks on you and getting your mock admonishes, i so love when you act like getting angry on me..
it's only in dreams now that i can keep on talking with you all day long, about anything and every little thing without bothering about the time..
it's only in dreams that i can remain drowned in your love all day long, without any opposition..
Why then sleep continues to give my eyes a miss? Can't fate now have some mercy as to allow me to dream?

It's still hurting, it's still killing... however much I try to smother this pain...
each night i think the tears would end up finally and my eyes will empty up... but i end up crying every night..
Your memories, your remembrances aren't dying... the realisation that i can never have you in my life is killing me
I never knew i could love someone so madly, never knew i would still miss you even after going silent for so long...i had thought with days passing by, i will get used to the pain... i will get over you and will get back my normal self... I thought I will be able to move on... i never knew it would pain this much loving you ...
Now i m still unable to stop myself...
i just wanna become numb... like a lifeless being, i don't wanna feel anything...
I never knew that silence can be so painful.. it's a dilemma, it pains me when I don't get to talk with you and even when I talk with you, i feel like getting killed
You will never understand, you will never feel it...
losing the one you love the most and still not being able to move on...
I am standing on a quicksand when i know very well that i am going to sink into it if i stay...
All that I want now is a few minutes of sleep and peace...
Why do you keep coming in my dreams? Please spare me a few minutes of sleep, I beg of you...
Why do I still find you in dreams?
Why is my fate still playing games with me?

overwhelming emotions ... feelings that continue to eat me up from within... burning furiously beneath the chambers of this yearning heart.. uncontrollable heart..continuing to flutter when an image of you comes up before my eyes, as i try to sleep, closing my eyes... and the rest of the night, I am filled with thoughts of you.. longing for the moments we had spent.. your face pounds in my head, keeps pulsating through my body...i feel so damn psychotic ..i know this is so wrong... but still am unable to accept the reality... you are now someone else's...
I wait for my pain to burst out.. I just want it to burst out and somehow feel empty... I am fed up with this masqueraded smile..
It seems like everything i do and every song that i hear, brings to my mind these thoughts of you ..it's killing me.. i am not strong enough for all these.. the edge is crumbling by fractions.. I am failing continually to bottle up these tides of emotions.. I am feeling choked up.. i had never loved anyone this much ever.. nor will ever be able to... I just wanna go numb, as to never again to feel you! i dont want to put you in a disturbed state but i continue to love you.. like it's beyond my control to stop..

It's a new day, a new morning and the first thing in the day that comes to mind is you! I don't wanna become an exhibitionist, I don't want to fall weak, but now I am unable to think anything else, virtually nothing else comes to my mind other than you..
"Do you know what void means?" --- this is what you had said to me once long back, when Chabi had left you heart broken .... I tried hard to be there with you all the time, tried never to leave you alone, lest you might start thinking about your past ... because I could never see you down, I could never bear you crying, not even in my dreams... because no one had cared for me like you always did, like you do , anything that happened in my life, good or bad, I always had you to share that with... I always felt so fulfilled sharing every little bit of me with you.... I always felt like we were closer than anyone else on earth .....
Having you with me always made me feel so much at ease, so much blissed, like I was in some paradise, just having you before my eyes used to make me crazy .... no one could have loved me as much as you do, no one could have showered so much  of affection like you always did .... still I hadn't fallen in love with you until then... I don't know either when exactly did I lose my heart to you.
I just couldn't know...
I had prayed for the best possible life partner for you,
.... just couldn't know, when exactly did I start loving you and then now every time I hear something about your marriage, it hurts me so badly .... Am I being selfish? Perhaps yes... but I am finding it impossible to make this heart understand.... I haven't loved anyone so deeply, so crazily....
Now i fear each day of losing you, losing you to someone else, forever ... I don't know but I am unable to keep myself sane anymore .... I love you very very much, I never could know that I loved you .... Now just the thought of you going away from me shatters me ... I can never be the same .... why... why did I ever  come across you if I was never meant for you ever? why does this feeling keep coming back  like I am being pulled towards you every now and then? No one loved me as much as you, no one understood me as much as you, no one cared for me as much as you ...and now I am unable to think beyond you ... I can never be the same again without you.

They say "Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing! " ...... you became my everything.... and now I can't afford to lose you, I amn't able to let you go .... I will have nothing left ....
I don't know what's right and what's wrong... even today I don't know if my falling in love with you is right or wrong  ... I amn't sure about how you would react on knowing .... but however much I try, my heart fails me each time, I just am n't able to stop loving you .... Each day i try telling myself to understand that, perhaps you can never be mine ... to forget everything and move on with life .....
but how is that possible? The very next moment your image comes up before my eyes and I go weak on my knees .... I can never move on without you ....
 I wanna hear your voice once again, I want your caring words never to stop, I want to be able to talk to you like older days, I want to watch a favourite TV show with you, I wanna every little and big thing that happens to me, with you ..... all my life ..... I am just not been able to let you go, from my heart .... just not been able to stop loving you, just not been able to stop thinking about you .....
Now I am unable to take myself away from you, am finding it heart-wrenching to go away from you, when actually all I want is to be with you, all my life ..... I don't want to lose you ever .... won't be able to live .... now I know the meaning of VOID ... not having you in my life ....

No one can care for me like you do, No one completes me like you do, nor can anyone do.... I can't love anyone else other than you, because you are here in my heart everywhere, deep down the veins, i just can't take you out of me ..... I need you, I need you so badly to feel like living once again ....
each day I dream of you .... a hand slipped into my empty hand that says in a gentle whisper “I am here, I am here and you will no longer walk alone” ... can't that dream materialise??

When I think of you, when I read our old conversations in chats and emails, I cry my heart out to bring those moments back, I don't want to lose you, I want you whole-heartedly for the whole of my life .. I want to speak out all of my heart before you, I wanna say it to you, that i love you, I want to keep loving you all my life... but I am not finding enough courage to do that, I am unable to say it so .... I fear I might lose you forever, what if you say no! I don't want to lose you in any way ....
..... I am there with everyone and yet am n't there anywhere... a visible crowd keeps me company most of the time and yet, I die each minute, every second not finding you ....
Now my day starts thinking about you and ends thinking about you, missing you in-between all along .... Now I have understood what void means ... not having you with me ......

Some voids are really difficult to fill up

I'm trying really hard, I have been consciously pushing myself to keep myself buried with work.... I have been trying hard to keep myself engaged, in something or the other, so that I don't think about you. But however much i try, nothing but you come to my mind. I just am not able to forget you. I am still failing to clean up my slate of your memories.
Will I ever be able to do that?
Even if my natural tendency is be happy, to laugh, to be joking around but now I am no more able to behave normal like before .... I am trying hard, facebooking, tv, movies, friends .... sometimes I am even letting out a smile or a luagh, however fake that might be... but I amn't feeling that charm as before, that happiness from within isn't coming.. everything is superficial, my smiles have become forced ones.

I just wish something hits me hard and I forget everything .....
this guilt feeling is eating me up ..... and this unrelenting heart is not listening .....
My whole life has now changed ..... it has gone topsy-turby , I have tried so hard to gather myself, but I am failing each time .... I don't know why my feelings changed, why I fell in love, I am still to understand what has happened but am unable to leave, even after trying so hard ... I had never known that love would be this painful, .... kyun hua... kab se hua .... kuch bhi jaan nahin paaya..... mann ka ghulam bangaya, kab kaise kar betha .... gave away the whole of me to you ....

The one because of whom you are in intense pain, the one because of whom the heart is crying... and yet ... fhirbi yeh dil ussi ke paas jaane ko baar baar tadap raha hei.... I am getting pulled to that same person, again and again ..... probably because i had never experienced so much love from anyone else. Probably because I also got so many innumerable moments of care, affection, concern for me from you.... is this what is called love? Baar baar woh sab moments yaad aaja te hein .... har woh lamha, har woh din .... chotti se chotti baat .... no body had loved me this much .... Kaise jaaun durr tumse?

I don't think I will ever be able to love anyone else as much as I love you. Because I have no more of love left in me.... I have given all my love to you. There is nothing left, no more space left in my heart ..... I gave it all, gave it the whole of myself, have nothing left anymore of me .... However much I try to go away from you, I am getting pulled back to you every time.

Why did I turn this way? Why have I been made so emotional? Whoever gives me affection and love, why do I get entangled with him or her? Why can't I be practical that not everything that I love can be mine? Why am I not able to understand that you were never made for me?
Why am I refusing to accept that you will never love me the way I love you?

Why amn't I accepting the fact that I am the closed chapter?
"Life is like a book ... containing a hundred pages or so ....
sometimes someday a particular page seems very interesting, we love reading that page ....

But ... but after a while, we turn onto the next page and move on......
after a while other pages seem interesting too ....
and that previous particular page , even if we loved it, still like it, gets lost in the innumerable pages ....
we don't remember the page number of that page, anymore ..... "

Probably I have got some deficiencies. Why amn't I looking at my deficiencies?
yeh baat, mann kyun nahin samajh jaata? kyun nahin samajh raaha?
It's a practical thing perhaps ... we can't remain stuck up in that particular page alone, always! .....
The whole book needs to be explored!
That's a practical thing ....
Why am I doing everything from heart? Why am i still folling my heart's diktats? Why can't I use my brain instead?

However much I may try, but probably I won't be able to change myself ever ....
and perhaps, neither will I be able to make this heart understand that I can never have you in my life
Love hurts .... I had no right to fall in love ....

not knowing what to do and where to go....
i honestly want to free you out of my heart, now that you are someone else's .... but had never experienced such a strong pull, such bonding that keeps pulling me back to you, each time that i am trying to keep myself away...
i had never loved this much... had never felt love .... and now i have nothing absolutely nothing left inside me, am totally exhausted now.... All I have now is a complete emptiness within ... I am unable to stop loving you even if I want to...
even when i realise that perhaps you never loved me, you never saw me that way, you cared for me, you have been always so very affectionate towards me but perhaps never had such feelings for me, because i never told you about my feelings... and yet I amn't being able to take out these one-sided feelings of mine... i am failing to give you up .... I am failing to take you out of me ... i still am holding on to you, clinging onto you in my heart... i feel helpless when i try not loving you... i seem to know now no other way but to just keep loving you.

when everyone is saying to stop thinking about you, to stop loving you, to stop dreaming about you... it's hurting like a razor stuck in the neck.... because each minute, all the time, all day long, the only thing i feel like doing is to keep loving you... I have almost forgotten everything else....nothing comes to mind but you...
I have never felt this miserable... this is going nowhere... Now this pain is increasingly getting unbearable, beyond all limits. i have been still failing to take you out of me.. You are now someone else's, and i understand that, i respect that ... i earnestly want to let you free now, to let you lead your life in happiness, to let you enjoy your new life .. but however much i try, I am unable to forget that i still love you.... this heart takes me to you all the time, it knows nothing but to keep loving you...
even when i know, this is now real life, this is no movie..... and yet
whatever i do, i amn't been able to see anything, anyone other than you, you seem to be all around me, everywhere .... i am feeling miserable... totally helpless... am having no control on myself ... this can't be love... this is turning into obsession now... one can't hold one's life, one's happiness tightly if she truly loves him ... i truly love you and i want you to be happiest most at all times ....
but I am unable to find out how to give you up....

i want to sleep again, i want some peace for my eyes now ... I have lost all, lost everything with you ... i want to sleep again ... i want to be like before ....
and yet I don't know how not to love you still .... because even when i try not to love you now, i have forgotten everything else ...whatever i do, i just seem to be loving you ... Your image keeps floating right infront of me, in my eyes, all the time ... how to erase those images from my mind and from my heart....

Why wasn't I made for you? I am not able to bear this pain
I am ready to get used to this pain, i will make it a part of my life but I can't leave you, I can't go away from you

bottled up emotions

I am feeling really choked up... this is getting increasingly difficult each day, bottling up emotions.... faking laughters, losing myself in the crowd...
I have been missing you so much all these months.... I don't know how I could keep myself away from you, how I could hold myself back, it has been very difficult reigning myself back from you since so long, but I am falling weak with each passing day... I may give up some day soon.

bahot miss kar rahi hoon tumhe, bahot yaad arahi hai...
However much i may try, i will never be able to take you out of me, my mind or from my heart!
Every little word that you had said to me, every memory of yours keeps rewinding in my head, keeps looping .... I keep thinking what you had said once, our times spent together
those moments when you had cared for me, loved me ... when you were concerned for me.... even for the smallest of things.
You truly became my angel!
So many days have passed now, and I have been devoid of your affection since so long,
I long to talk to you, I long for your call to come, I long to get an email from you every single day, like I used to get those days.... I know I won't get one now, and yet this heart aches in search of one, at least a few words from you.... no one had loved me, cared for me this much.
People say that with time, almost every relation starts fading.
So many months have passed by now, I haven't talked to you since so long, i haven't heard from you.
yet I feel like my love for you is strengthening more and more with each passing day... probably because I can't love anyone else but you.
When I find you online after days together, it kills me when I am not been able to talk to you.
I had never known that love could be this painful.
Where did I go wrong? I am still not able to see my mistake
I want to go to sleep at night, wake up every day, and breathe knowing, assured that you are truly mine...
I am still confused, about the sudden change in your feelings .... why? I am baffled. But I am n't able to take you out of my mind .... I have n't been able to tame this uncontrollable heart.... I just can't think of anything other than you, at any point of time now a days.
it's definitely hurting not being able to be with you, not being able to empty out my feelings before you....
With each passing day, this strange fear grips me altogether, I fear of losing you forever, to someone else.... i can't think of  that... I can't imagine losing you... it pains me really hard thinking about ever losing you, even when I am n't sure about your feelings ...
I still don't know how and why I fell in love with you in the first place.
Every time I try letting you free and going away from you forever, thias heart of mine just doesn't let me go and I am getting pulled back each time.
I wish I could keep loving you all my life and could have you before my eyes all my life, all the time .... because now more than a part of me resides in you.....

What If

What if I had known that it would be hard, when I fell in love with you?
What if I had known what was coming when I lost my heart to you?
What if I could say it to you that I love you?
What if you could see my love in my eyes?
What if you could hear my heart's voice?
What if you could understand the pain that I have been in?
What if you could reciprocate my feelings?
What if you too could give your heart to me?
What if things had been different and so were the situations?

What if you were made for me?
What if we could walk together?
What if we could just converse with each other in silence?
What if we could just keep looking into each other's eyes and read each other's thoughts?
What if we could just hear one another's heart beat?
What if our days could start together and could end together as well?
What if we could become one soul that our thirst could be quenched when either of us had drank
and hunger satiated when either of us had eaten?

I wish I could tell you how much I love you!
I wish you could have loved me as well!
I wish you were made for me and I was made for you!
What if it were...

Will I ever be able to move on ?

Why is it that i am still not able to get over you? Why am I still longing for you? Even though so many days have passed! Why do you still keep coming into my thoughts every now and then.. in my dreams as well?
I have tried so much, so very hard not to let you come into my thoughts... to give myself another chance.
But I continue to fail every time, my mind tells me to flush out all of your memories but my heart refuses to give up. You still reign on my heart... I am failing to move on, I am failing to move away from you.... there is something still left between us I think.... something of a chord that keeps pulling me back to you!

This is getting harder for me with each passing day. I thought time would fade away your thoughts and memories. But, no.. Why isn't this being easy? Why can't I just forget everything and start afresh? Why am not i been able to forget that we ever came across each other? Why is this chord pulling my heart back towards you everytime that I decide to look in a new direction?

There are times when I get restless... thinking about all those old times when I used to crave spending time with you...just to be with you.....
Physically we are as distant apart now as we were at that time, during those good times..... it's still the same distance today... I had thought that with passage of time, the distance between us would get even more but that hasn't happened. I find myself still standing at the same place as I was during that phase. Is there no way by which I can stop thinking about you? Can't I completely take you out of my mind and heart?

I have been telling myself every time that as time flies by, I too will get used to the feeling, the feeling of not getting to talk with you every day, I will get used to not having you with me to share my every little thing that happens in my life, that I will get used to remaining silent and away from you .... getting accustomed to the pain! But sometimes this pretension is getting too much for me.
This hurt, this pain refuses to go away.... or perhaps it will never go away.
Your thoughts will probably continue to come back. I will probably never be able to forget you.. I will perhaps never be able to get over you.