My Favourite City Ahmedabad

*** The post is about my favourite city in terms of  Drive, Design and Connectivity and I chose Ahmedabad. I would like to thank Tata Motors for having given me the opportunity to write about it. More can be found about them here ***

Even if I were in deep sleep and someone had asked me to name my favourite city, I would have answered Ahmedabad because the city continues to amaze me with its liveliness and beauty and also because of its people and their hospitality. My relationship with the city dates back to 2007. It was in June 2007 when I got my first job posting at Ahmedabad after completing my management studies and I lived in the city for a good four years before I got transferred to Delhi. But even then, whenever I got an opportunity, I kept going back to the city on travel missions to explore the city once again. My sojourn in Ahmedabad was lively and enjoyable - the city never failed to excite me. What I loved most about it is its modernity mixed with its peaceful atmosphere and serenity.

Ahmedabad is very well-planned and designed. It happens to be the largest city in Gujarat. In fact at one point in time, it used to be the biggest city in India in terms of area. The city has got a rich cultural history and derives its name from Ahmed Shah (who used to rule Gujarat during the Medieval times). Situated on the banks of River Sabarmati, Ahmedabad (or Amdavad as it is better known as) was founded in the 15th century. The city is also well-known for its association with Mahatma Gandhi and the Sabarmati Ashram.

I am sure anyone travelling to the city will be mesmerised by the unique Indo-Saracenic style of architecture (a blend of Hindu and Islamic styles) that adorns the monuments in the city. Some of them date back to the 15th century when the city was built.

The best thing about Ahmedabad is its vibrant nature, it would always be teeming with life and business activities. Known to be hard-working and possessing impeccable business acumen, the people of the city have contributed a lot in making the city a prosperous one. Textile Industry continued to flourish in the city even during the Mughal period. Ahmedabad used to be an exporting hub of textiles - cotton and silk goods used to be exported to the Middle East and Europe. It continues to be known for its textile mills and is often called the 'Manchester of the East'. It also happens to be an important religious

You will find ample scope for education and career opportunities in Ahmedabad. It is considered to be one of the important centres of education. One will find several premier educational institutes in Ahmedabad, notably the Indian Institute of Management (IIM, Ahmedabad). The city has also got several industries and manufacturing plants and so also many IT MNC companies. You will also find several options for food, sight-seeing and shopping throughout the city in good measure. One of the best occasions to see the city in its lively avatar is the International Kite Festival that is held on the day of of Makar Sankranti.

If we talk about connectivity, the city is well connected by rail, roads and airways with all important cities in India as well as with the interior parts in the city. The Gujarat state transport buses ply their buses to all the nook and corners in the city. Also much unlike the one in New Delhi, the Bus Rapid Transit System (BRTS) in Ahmedabad is a huge success which gives a dedicated corridor for the CNG buses to ply in the city. Wide roads, several flyovers, lush greenery and minimal traffic congestion add to the city's beauty as much as the glitzy malls and multiplexes.

In the last few years, Ahmedabad has become a model for urban development not just in India but also around the world. Thus in 2012, Ahmedabad was chosen by the Times of India as the best city to live in India edging past Pune, Mumbai and Delhi in a survey and understandably so. The city has undergone a massive makeover, thanks to Narendra Modiji. He undertook several projects in the city when he used to be the Chief Minister of the state, to give it a facelift because of which today the city resembles a world class city. When it comes to physical and civic infrastructure, Ahmedabad ranks among the best.

The city is a beautiful place to visit. It has been more than three years now since I last visited Ahmedabad but given an option to choose a city to spend the rest of my life, I would blindly choose Ahmedabad. It had given me some very beautiful and fond memories.

P.S.: Image courtesy: http://www.narendramodi.in/janmarg-transforming-ahmedabads-public-transit-system-4938

Kalakand - Tasty bhi, Healthy bhi

*** The post is about how one can replace the white sugar with Sugar Free Natura so that they can enjoy their favourite sweet dishes without worrying about calories or health problem. Sugar free natura is a safe alternative to sugar and can be consumed by diabetics persons as well. I would like to thank Sugar Free Natura for having given me the opportunity to write about it. Visit their website to know more ***

My hubby has a sweet tooth and often craves for something sweet after a meal. Previously whenever I used to bake a cake or make some dessert, he would literally jump in joy like a child and would indulge in sumptuous portions of the desserts. But then when his tests  revealed that he is pre-diabetic, I restricted his sugar intake to almost nil. Obviously he didn't like it at all. In fact he stopped talking with me for a couple of days for that, hehe. Then I had almost stopped making sweets and desserts at home, for he would sneak into the kitchen and steal like a child whenever I wouldn't be around.

But at the same time, I felt really sad to see my husband resigned to living without dessert for the rest of his life, if my curfews could work. It was then that I searched for healthier alternatives to sugar. That was when I came to know about Sugar Free Natura. It is an ideal replacement for the white sugar - not only does it impart the same sweetness to the dishes as the white sugar but is also very heat stable. As a result it can be safely used to make any sweet dish or desserts without fearing about any health problem or the calories. Sugar free natura contains Sucralose which is much more safer option than the usual white sugar and so now the diabetics, the fitness seekers and those who slog out to shed weight can satiate their sweet cravings without any worries.

Today being a Sunday and with such a nice weather, my husband took me out for lunch and then followed that up with a beautiful movie. Now as a return gift, I thought of cooking a sweet dish for my husband. After brainstorming for a while, I finally settled for Kalakand. He loves it immensely. Making Kalakand doesn't rally involve any difficult step, however one needs patience. But given the end result, my labour was totally worth it.

*** Requirements *** 

Full Cream Milk - 1 litre

A small piece of Alum - about two pinches of powdered alum

Sugar Free Natura - 1/4 cup

Mawa or Khoya (grated) - 100 gms

Green Cardamoms - 2 or 3 grounded

Blanched Almonds (thinly sliced) - about 2 tablespoons

Crushed Cashew nuts - about 3 tablespoons

Desi Ghee - 1 tablespoon to grease the plate

*** How to make Kalakand ***

Bring 1 litre of full cream milk to boil and then lowering the heat, keep it over low flame till it gets reduced to almost half and thickens up considerably. 

When the milk has reduced appreciably, now take a piece of alum and crush it with a mortar and pestel and add about 2 pinches of it to the milk. After addition of alum, the milk starts attaining a grainy form, keep stirring. 

After about 3-4 minutes of adding alum, stir in 1/4th cup of sugar free natura and mix it nicely so that it gets dissolved in the mixture.  

Now take a mould (a flat plate having a diameter of 6-7 inches and a depth of 1-2 inches will also do) and grease it with desi ghee.

Add the grated khoya or mawa and keep stirring the milk mixture till it thickens up considerably.

Then add the crushed cardamom powder, followed by half of the sliced almonds and cashew nuts and mix nicely. Keep it over fire for another minute or so.

Then pour it onto the greased plate. Since my plate was too big and the kalakand mixture could cover only half of my plate, so in order to get more thicker kalakand (with a bigger height), instead of spreading it thinly all over the plate, I poured the kalakand mixture on only one side of the greased plate and using a spoon, pushed it back so that it looked like a half moon like this.

Now garnish the kalakand surface with rest of the sliced almonds and the cashew nuts.

The final step is to keep the kalakand plate inside a refrigerator for about 20-30 minutes to get set. We can then cut them into pieces and serve them.

I could once again discover that same old child-like innocence on my hubby dear's happy face. Thank you Sugar free natura. Without your help, probably it wouldn't have been possible.

Old memories re-running

It's winter again,
Memories of our times together come back to haunt me,
It hurts when dreams get shattered,
but it hurts more because I felt betrayed
I couldn't know how and why,
the chasm between us continued to grow,
I tried with all my might
but you left me alone and went away
all I am holding onto now is old memories...
But with each passing day,
they too are slowly fading away into memory's abyss

What should one do if she knows that "the one because of whom she is in such excruciating pain, the one because of whom she is dying each moment in an unending cycle, is the only one in this world who can cure her of all pain... and she has lost him forever... that he can never come back into her life..."
"Move on" is so easily said than done, when I have come so far ahead, so deep in...
There should be some end, some limit to the continuity of one's fight with her own emotions...
What would one do if she fails yet again to get unconscious for a few minutes at least... returns home from work tired, lays on the bed in darkness, closing eyes as tightly as she can, just in the hope of a few minutes of sleep, but is denied even just that, yet again....
Just a few minutes of blankness when she can think of nothing about him.. when she wouldn't be haunted by his memories..
I can neither stay away from your thoughts nor can stop yearning for you...an overpowering longing for you overwhelms me every time
Staying silent to your messages kills me, I want to keep talking to you..all my life ... I don't want to let go of you ever in this life..however little you are there in my life
but I will fail yet again to hold back my emotions before you if I talk.. I will once again affect you and your new life
I want to explode.. I wanna burst out... I want complete freedom from this life, from this cage... I'm trapped within this life... all I want is release...
Am I doomed, to die with pain every day, each moment.. but never to be freed once for all?
You say "like birds, let's leave behind everything what we are not supposed to carry... all sadness, all pain, all regrets & realise that life is beautiful". But is that easy for me?
Yes, I am a pessimist, a defeatist, a gloomy.. but for me, starting anew is no more possible in this life .. I have no more strength left to fight, not anymore.. Dragging on is not what I had hoped for in mercy from my fate

Frozen tears...

Parched, have d eye-ducts become? Won't the tears flow out?
Why then aren't they carving furrows in my ash-like skin?
to provide an escape...
for the pain that is still trapped within.
Bottling up is no more possible,
While this heart continues to be hopeful for things that could be,
my sense of logic commands my peepers to let loose
but still nothing comes flowing freely... like it should...
my mind knows that a good shedding of tears would help
Yet... still nothing flows out!
to break down and weep in solitude...
the feeling as tears pour out would be such a liberation..
yet... they continue to remain buried somewhere deep inside
How do I melt my frozen tears so that they fall?

This is an obsession... it's blissful, painful and chaotic - all at the same time... it's killing me, each time, every moment, each day... and yet i am repeating it, yet I am reagy to embrace this pain... like an unending loop, it's continuing.
While I sit in this dark, talking to these walls, with sealed lips and sleep-dried, blurred eyes heavy with water.. mindlessly typing words that i continuously fail to bury inside... whatever comes out from within, your thoughts and memories give me company.
I am fed up with these burning eyes and yet I'm helpless...
in each one of my silences, I'm thinking about you ... every night, I'm calling out your name..
i shouldn't be, i know... i have no right over you now..i never had any... but i fail each time to this unrelenting heart's call... It has now become my obsession...
I can't stop thinking about you.. I can't stop dreaming about you... I can't stop searching you around...
i know you are nowhere here... and yet I am stretching out my hands, searching for you in the dark....
i simply don't know how to stop...
This is wrong.... It's a forbidden love, a mirage i am trying to run after ... it's a dead end ..
and the only person who would get hurt is me... yet I'm blinded by this obsession

Lose weight easily with Honey Diet

*** The post is about how one can lose weight easily by undertaking the Dabur Honey diet instead of resorting to crash diets. I would like to thank Dabur Honey for having given me the opportunity to write about it. More can be found about them here ***

Everyone wishes to have a slim and toned body. People feel better about themselves when their body weight is normal and they are in proper shape. However not everyone gets successful in having a lean body. when someone is over-weight, she would be more likely to have depression and low self-esteem. Because over-weight people are often looked down upon. She would thus be low in confidence as well, while interacting with others. What follows is stress, sadness, and anxiety. But it's not just about psychological problems. Being over-weight can also can increase the risk of serious health problems like heart disease, diabetes, blood pressure etc.

So it's natural for one to lose the excess body weight. Nothing wrong in that, but most people nowadays want a quick-fix solution - they want to lose weight fast and so they do crazy and desperate things. Instead of trying to lose weight gradually and steadily by following a healthy dietary plan and a suitable exercise regimen or more physical activity, they often subject themselves to crash diets or intense exercise regimens. They almost go on fasts or deprive themselves of a proper diet. As a result, they unwittingly end up harming their own health.

I too had tried crash dieting - a liquid only diet - for a short period of time on the advice of my friends. I would eat nothing but only vegetable soup and fruit juice, all day long. They did help me in losing about 7 kilos in one week! But I also felt very weak, so weak that I wasn't even able to do my daily chores properly. Thank God, I eventually went back to sensible eating.

Crash dieting may give one quick results but it isn't good on a long-term basis. In fact it can be dangerous if one continues to crash diet for too long. It can harm your heart and increases the risk of heart attacks. Such dietary plans which result in rapid weight loss only result in slowing down one's metabolism and so also deprives her body of essential nutrients. They also weaken one's immune system and puts a lot of stress on the liver. As metabolism slows down, the body starts storing fat instead of burning them off and thus instead of losing weight, one starts gaining it. One also feels very weak and often gets shortness of breath when she follows such radical crash diets.

One can instead go for Honey diet if she wants to lose weight and maintain a healthy weight on a long term basis. Usually it's sugar who is the main culprit causing one to gain unwanted weight. It only adds empty calories whereas to digest sugar, many essential vitamins and minerals stored in the body get used up, which would have otherwise helped in dissolving fats and cholesterol. If one substitutes sugar with honey, it will help one lose weight more effectively as it helps in improving the metabolism. Honey also contains sugar but it also contains many beneficial vitamins and minerals like Vitamin C, Vitamin B6, riboflavin, protein, iron, sodium, potassium, zinc, calcium and also fiber. It also provides energy.

Drinking about one spoonful of honey mixed with warm water stimulates the growth of good cholesterol in the body and so one feels very active and it also stops the cravings for food. Honey can also be taken with warm water and lemon juice on an empty stomach first thing in the morning to lose weight. Some people also consume honey (1 tbsp) mixed with 1 tsp of cinnamon powder and a cup of warm water that would have been boiled and cooled down a bit. These solutions help one immensely in losing weight because honey contains 22 amino acids and many vitamins and minerals which improve the body’s metabolism. As a result, food gets digested properly and fat gets converted into usable energy. So not only does one feel energized but also succeeds in burning off the excess fat.

Photo copyrights: www.fandbfood.com

Would it be selfishness to seek our own happiness?

"All men seek happiness without exception. They all aim at this goal however different the means they use to attain it."

No, it’s not bad to seek for one’s own happiness. But sometimes we get so much engrossed in our own happiness that we fail to see anyone else standing beside us. We are unable to see beyond us, beyond our world. If we just want our own happiness, at whatever costs that may take, (to hell with others), perhaps we may attain our happiness one day, perhaps….. (because now that we are focusing on only one thing – our happiness). But will that be sustainable? Sustainable for a longer period of time?? Today we want this, may be tomorrow we would no more like that thing, we would start loving something else!!

For most of us, perhaps nothing matters more than us….. our problems, to us, our miseries seem to be the biggest of all in the whole world! Who cares if the child I am teaching is upset about getting lesser marks… I am more upset because I am getting lesser salary for teaching this kid! Most of the time, we can’t see for others…. But thinking only about ourselves, our happiness all the time will and can never give us sustainable happiness, for sure. Sometimes we need to see the world beyond us…….we need to understand others as well.

We are so engrossed within ourselves, we want our happiness, and at the earliest. We can’t wait any longer if that happiness is taking a bit longer to come! We might have enjoyed the best of times a few years ago, we might have experienced some of the magical moments just a few moments ago…but we can’t think of those moments, those good times to ever end……. We want them to stay as long as we want to……. Because we want to remain happy all the time!

But why do we forget that after a full day's sunshine, the sun has to go away, and darkness has to set in to take it's place? That’s the rule….. nothing will stay for ever….. if today we are having the best of times, tomorrow we mayn’t be having that luxury…so should we start cursing? Why can’t we wait a bit longer…for those happier times to return back? Why can't we show some patience? Why do we always put all the blame on God…Why has to He be our favourite punching bag all the time? If something good is happening to us, we forget Him, but as soon as something bad happens, we start cursing Him. Is He doing all this to only us, for virtually no reason? We hold Him responsible for all our misfotunes. During our good times, we may n’t be praying Him, we were busy with ourselves! But as soon as something bad happens, we come running to Him. And if He takes a bit of longer time to solve that problem, we start cursing Him! It’s because of Him only that we are in this misery…isn’t it? The thing is, we can never look onto ourselves, I mean, our mistakes, because we feel we never make any and so never deserved any bad time to befell us, at any moment! Whatever good happens, it’s because we did good, so got good results. But if something bad is happening with us, it’s because God is doing such with us, He is being partial with us……..

We mayn’t understand this…… but He still never hits back at us, when we curse Him for our bad times. That’s why we can never be like Him! He still will accommodate us within Himself.

Coming back to the topic, it is not seeking our own happiness that is selfish; it is seeking our own private happiness at the expense of others that is so. I just need to be normal and wait for the bad phases to go away, till then just carry on and go on and on... but I don't need to fake being happy.

…Because others sense and respond to my happiness, I now understand, one of the best ways to serve others is to be happy. I don’t mean faking happiness, as some do when they smile and claim to be happy but are unhappy and dissatisfied on the inside. Others can very well sense whether we are actually happy or are faking our happiness. What I mean to say is that by remaining content and happy with whatever we are having right now in our lives, we will also be able to improve our relationships wioth people around us, we will be able to spread positivity. As a result, happiness is bound to come to us sooner than later.

I have indeed found that when I treat my life with a positive approach, others too around me found me friendly and welcomed me into their lives. No one wishes to be around a glum person but everyone would want to be with a cheerful one.  Before even strangers used to look away but now even they have started to greet me with a smile, reciprocating my smiles.  My friends and family have started coming to me more often now and my relationship with them never felt so stronger and deeper before. I have now learnt how to create happiness around me and inside me.  I don’t need to tell everyone that I am feeling good, even a simple smile produces the positive effect almost instantly.

If I want to make others happy, I need to be happy myself, I need to know what it feels like to be happy! Being happy within oneself is indeed a very good habit. It's only when we are happy can we make others happy too, not otherwise. We can't pretend to be happy when from inside we are unhappy about something or the other. We only need to accept things, the failings, the sad times and move on. Nothing is this world is perfect, we can only see that perfectness in movies…. Not in real life. Though directors and producers, the movie actors will keep on saying that movies are taken from real life!! But in reality, we need to learn to accept things as they are, not by how the things should be; as to how we want them to be!!! We can never ever be happy when we keep cribbing about this and that, if we keep on looking at just the negative things in everything ---- this glass is half-empty, I am not that taller, I am dark-skinned etc etc….. why can’t we say that the glass is half full!

One of the easiest signs by which you can tell that you are thinking too much about something not being perfect is when you start complaining. Whatever it is that you are complaining about, it’s obviously something you don’t like (or why would you be complaining?). If it’s something you don’t like, why are you wasting your time and energy thinking about it? Spending energy on something gives it importance in your life, whether that energy is negative or positive. However much impact something has in your life, in who you are, is determined by how much importance you give it.

So in short - we can all find what makes us happy and hold on to it and enjoy it. We can make that happiness to last a bit longer if we can share it with someone else. Because not only us but everyone else too deserves to be happy. 

In a soul mate we find, not company but a completed solitude...
My heart feels like crumbling down when I see you depressed...
I feel like being choked when i imagine you crying or in pain
I fear of asking you every now and then, nagging you about how you are, if everything is okay...
But I will do anything to make you smile again
You are my life....., To my soul, you are my much needed food...
Your cheerful, smiling existence fuels mine..
God didn't grant you as my soul mate... I couldn't have you in my life for every breath of mine, for every blink of my eyes...
but yet I constantly feel like we arw uniquely intertwined for ever!
When I get to talk to you, you bring me alive..
I love spending time just being with you, so what if we are miles apart..
Your care, your affection, the trust you place on me to confide everything in...
I feel like living again... You soothe my fiery spirit each time like a cooling balm...
I am a squall, you are my calm...
Once again that buried feeling emerges from the core of my heart --
-- You were created for me and I for you... We are one soul, split in two
Please cheer up... I pray fervently to God to do anything to bring back your smile

Why can't there be a perfect ending to each story?

I fell in love .... inspite of my deficiencies .... But just couldn't know how and when .... just couldn't know at all .... It was unintentional, unintended ..... it shouldn't have been ..... I am n't the right person for you perhaps .... yet this heart is just not listening .....
My whole world has changed upside down .... I am still not been able to understand .... bikhar sa gaya hei sab kuch jaise ...... ek taraf yeh guilt khaye ja rahi hei..... dusri taraf dil ko samjha nahin paa rahi hun.... durr jaana chahati hun, ja nahin paa rahi hun...ek essi koi cheez kheech ke, baandh ke ab tak roki hui hei... apne aap ko chudaa nahin paa rahi hun iss bandhan se ..... I am just not being able to free myself from this bonding, this attachment .... in spite of my deficiencies that I know ....

Can I control whom I fall in love with? Why can't I tame my heart? Why am I not been able to tame this unrelenting heart?

Falling in love with someone "who loves you but isn't in love with you", perhaps......
Being fond of someone very very much and being in love with him or her are perhaps two different things .... There is indeed a vast difference between "loving someone" and "being in love with someone". Why do people get into one-sided love? Humare mann mein jaise achanak feelings aajaate hein, waisa hi feelings dusre ke dil mein kyun nahin aate? Pyar humesah do tarfaa kyun nahin hota? Hum apni khamiyaan jaante huye bhi, kyun dil lagaa bethte hein.... apne khushi ke liye, kyun kisi ke saath khilwaad kar bethte hein, why do we forget about our short comings, our deficiencies? Kya soch ke pyaar kar bethi? Yeh kyun dil ko samjhaa nahin parahi? This is not the real love then.... Agar wakai mein sacha pyaar hotaa, to dusre ki khushi jiss mein hoti, wohi dil chahata ...yeh to selfish wala pyaar hei.... apne ko khush karne wala pyaar. How can I be so selfish? Even after knowing everything, why isn't this heart listening and letting go?

Loving someone who doesn't love you, who is fond of you, likes you but not in that way, who loves you but in the same way as he loves others, who doesn't even know, who isn't even aware of the feelings, is like reaching for a star, you know you'll never reach it, but you still keep trying .... this heart just doesn't listen, even if when I am aware of the practicality, par mann ko samjhaa nahin paarahi. Sab kuch pre-planned kyun nahin ho paata? Why couldn't I come to know of my own feelings before? Why couldn't I stop myself from going further? Yeh dil kisiki suntaa kyun nahin?

Main durr jaane ki koshish karti hun to yeh dard bardaasth nahin hotaa, durr reh nahin paa rahi hun. Humesha, har wakt paas rehna chahati hun, yeh mann nahin maanta durr jaane ko. But looking at myself, aapne khamiyon ko jab dekhti hun, to durr bhagne ko dimaag kehta hei, durr chali jaaun, bahut durr...., par yeh dil durr jaane ko de nahin raha hei...... iss dil aur dimaag ke ladhai mein bich mein rehke main peesh chuki hun, ...... kiski sunnu?? This intense pain is killing me now..... You would be in pain but still would be craving for the special someone, even if knowing that he could never be yours. Why do people dream? Baar baar kyun kichi chali jaa rahi hun? Why amn't I being able to tame my heart? Why amn't I being able to shed off this selfishness of mine?

It's not easy being in love with someone who means everything that you want and have them not feel the same about you! Then again, it's not easy having someone love you and think you are everything they want and you don't feel the same about them....

Can I control whom I fall in love with? Why can't I?
Why can't this love be pre-planned? Why didn't I and couldn't I know whom I was falling for? kyun achanak se pyar aataa hei, sab ulat palat ke chalaa jaata hei. Kya milta hei is dil ko esse dard deke? Why can't I open my eyes to reality? Why am I still wanting something that I know myself that I can't have? That I am perhaps not worthy of getting.. main asli hakhdaar nahin hun...par fhirbi kyun mann maan nahin raha?

jitna bhi koshish kar rahi hun durr jaane ko, sab bhull jaane ko, kyun baar baar mann wahin le jaata hei. Why amn't I being able to be normal like before? Why amn't I being able to be practical? Iss mann ko kyun nahin samjhaa paa rahi hun? Kyun kaaboo mein rakh nahin paa rahi hun?

I don't know why it feels so right when its so wrong, when I know my own failings, my own short-comings.... I cant understand myself, I can't trust my feelings any more. Why did I and how could I not know? that I am falling in love ...
Apne aap se, apne mann se tab se ladhti aarahi hun..... I want to stop myself from thinking about him, have been trying so so hard, but amn't been able to... want to take my thoughts away, want to concentrate on something else, want to keep myself busy in some work, but I amn't been able to take him away from thoughts ... kyun nahin bhullaa paa rahi hun? jitni koshish karti hun durr jaane ko, his thoughts keep coming back. Why are you playing with my feelings, Bhagwanji?

Aakhir main khud kya chahati hun? Durr jaana chahati hun, par durr reh nahin paati ... paas jaa nahin shakti. I want to sleep, want to remain lost in deep sleep, but these sleeping pills are no more effective, they no more are able to induce sleep .... har cheez se mann ugg chuka hei..... why can't I get my mind, my heart blank? Apne hi dil pe apna hi kaabu nahin? ... being with so many people around me, yet remaining cut-off, forlorn, lonesome, all alone... so far away ... lost in thoughts..... bheed mein hote huye bhi tanhaa.... there are so many people around me, everyone loves me so much, they care for me so much but I have become like blind, yeh dil kuch aur dekhta hi nahin, kuch aur samajhta hi nahin ... I am failing to see beyond him, failing to think beyond him.
Sabse bhaag rahi hun...... When I know the reality, when I know that I am day-dreaming, when I know of my own short-comings, still I am not able to control my feelings, why am n't I being able to rein in my feelings, my heart ? ... Why do I continue to day-dream?
When I am fully aware of what should be the practical right ending to the story, why am I still looking for a twist? I have become so confused, confused about my feelings, confused about my selfishness, confused about everything ..... Why am I failing to see beyond my own happiness each time?
Yeh dil kisiki suntaa kyun nahin hei! Will I be able to rein in my feelings, this uncontrollable heart? Why amn't I being able to let you go?

Let the time take its own course

"If you love something, set it free;
if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was"
Sometimes it's very essential that we keep within ourselves and hold ourselves back from others ... instead of thinking about others, we may think about ourselves and let time take its own course. There are a lot of things that we really love -- our parents, husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend or children. One may even be loving his/her car, bike, home or even his/her new mobile phone.

But asking myself a weird question, 'Do I love myself?' Do I love that person I see in the mirror standing in front of it every day? If someone finds that he has many things in life to be grateful for but is still not happy with, the reason may be because he hasn't learnt to love himself.

Now if I analyse even more further and go into my imaginations .....

Imagining that there was someone with whom I had to spend the rest of my life with. I had to spend every minute of every day with this person, day in and day out. This person is the first I see when I wake up in the morning and the last person I see when I go to sleep.

This person is there on all my life's special occasions: my birthday, my college graduation day, my wedding and finally, my funeral. This person is there during all of my life's ups and downs. This person shares my sorrows and my joys.

When I are down, only this person can cheer me up. When I fall, only this person can pick me up. When I set a goal, only this person can give me the motivation and confidence to achieve it. This person will never leave me and is the only one I can truly depend on.

And now suppose If I didn't like this person, wouldn't my life be absolutely miserable? I would be forever stuck to a person I didn't like. I wouldn't be able to do anything! This person is ME!

I am the most important person in my own life!

When one really loves someone, he always want the very best for him or her! He would do anything for him/her. He would make sacrifices for him/her and defend him/her if anyone speaks badly of him/her.

The same thing should go when one loves himself.

To love one self is not to be selfish; to be selfish is to impose onto others for them to love us only the way we want. To love oneself is the first step into being able to love others with an open heart, with understanding, with full devotion by giving them the best of us, and not by giving them all of us without having paid the same respect and attention to our own nature as we do to them. Our love for others is somewhat incomplete if we cannot love our own selves, and it makes sense, how can we love others fully and give them the best love we have when we cannot love the person we are???

So sometimes it's better that we lock ourselves up from others and enjoy being with ourselves ... only me and myself .... and let the time decide on its own. Perhaps doing so will also cure my emotional dependency as well.

Uncontrollable emotions

I am screaming in my head...
Over and over I scream inside my splintering mind in the hope that if I scream loud enough, you will somehow hear it... But you perhaps never do... and why should you? How would you hear my screams?
I was never able to tell you.... so you will never know. All you know is that I say I love you... but you will never really know... about these heartbeats that are still yearning for you...

Like an uncontrollable wildfire, I'm engulfed.. completely immersed in love for you..
Sitting here and talking to myself, rehearsing all the things I want to say to you, the next time you come before me... But I am afraid I will never be able to say them to you.. i know it's too late now... and i will just be left with all the painful stings once again...

I'm caught writhing in the different loves I feel for you. Still lost in your love as if you are my other half, Loving you as my best friend, Loving you as a lover for all the lil things you do and for all the ways you make me feel...i know you think it’s weird... i know it's grossly wrong of me to do so now... I know you will again say "move on now...i m now gone..."
but believe me, i have tried a lot... but i am powerless, helpless.. i can only love you... Now it has become beyond my control...
Can I somehow get salvation? from this uncontrollable force that pulls me in towards you and refuses to let go? I'm bleeding out from all these pores.... this heart aches for you... I'm trapped in these dreams, but you are still always out of reach... it hits me hard and each tear that denies being shed, leaves the lingering feelings of death.

I never could tell you, because I was afraid I might lose you, that fear of losing you forever stopped me from disclosing my feelings, what if you had said "no"...,
and now i will never know....if you could have loved me, if i had professed my feelings for you on time! I only sit and wonder.. What if? ... What if i was the one you had chosen?... I could have you with me to share all my breath, my every breath..i could have talked with you at any time I wanted to, i could see your smile anytime i wanted to, i could hear your heartbeat at anytime i wanted to... i lost you.. i lost you forever... it's killing me, these thoughts...

I know you don't have the same feelings for me, as i have for yu.... i know now it's late... i wont have your love ever...
and it hurts, it's definitely killing me to know that you are not mine... you will never be...
but i still want to be near you.. i still want to hurt myself
and feel nothing more but this pain of an unrequitted love...
I can't breathe but I can't leave too...  It's so painful, but is so relieving as well... so i still love you...
I don't know if it's right or wrong... but I can't stop myself from loving you...

a forbidden love that goes beyond physical attraction... down to deeper knowledge of one another.... a sense of inexpressible profound happiness, peace to the heart having the person on the other side of the call or sms or just looking at his photo... but you still can't have that person, no matter how much in love you are with him... maybe someday........at least no more "what if i had.........."
sometimes that means you are sharing pieces of yourself, the ones that you have kept hidden from others... sometimes it means a few moments where deep in your heart and soul you know that's where you belong.
when you get to look into his eyes you know  you are seeing his entire self, and you know that he is seeing yours. these things can be more intimate than any kiss... or anything else. that person almost seems to be your "soulmate". He is your friend, your campanion first. and this deep intimacy builds. it builds so much that just looking into one another's eyes, wrapping your arms around each other and standing there is the most beautiful moment in the world. You fall in love with that person. but sometimes, you can't totally have him... because he is now someone else's...
Even though i try to remain silent, not giving you any message, but my heart craves for your smses, at least one from you... even when i know that is perhaps wrong on my part... and when you ask me "how are you? why aren't you replying?" I smile and I cry bitterly, both at the same time ... thinking about what i missed having in life!..You
Your care and your affection still binds me and i am unable to move away from you...
i am confused as to what to do ... neither am i being able to go away from you completely nor am i being able to stop this heart from craving for your affection...it's amazing how every ounce of you can miss someone so much like you need him to feel like breathing.. but i am just afraid that this madness of mine might put you in trouble and i will never want that ever to happen...
i want you to be happy always, in peace with your new life... i want to remain your friend all through life, but my feelings come in the way...

Being Human

*** The post is about how I came across a little incident that gives me hope that not all goodness has gone away, there are still some kind-hearted souls around. I would like to thank Housing.com for having given me the opportunity to write about it. More can be found about them here. *** 

My day had got off to the worst possible start. I had worked late into the night and so woke up late too. But I had got a severe headache as well. Even though I wanted to take a leave from my office and stay back at home, I couldn't do that as I had an important meeting scheduled for the day. I wasn't feeling too well. To add to my woes, my maid Shanti didn't turn up that day. I was feeling hungry but when I looked into the refrigerator, I found no cakes or bread or any other ready-made food item. I didn't have that much time to cook something for breakfast, not even enough time to prepare a cup of tea. So I had to rush for my office without having my breakfast. But my woes didn't end at that. Just as I was walking down the stairs, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knees. Mrs. Mehra's children (my neighbours) had spilled some oil on the stairs while playing. I hurt my knee quite badly and was finding it difficult to get up up for sometime but holding the bars of the stairs, I could finally stand up on my feet. I was lucky enough to get away with only a few scratches on the hand and a somewhat sore knee, I could have easily got a serious head injury. Then again as I literally ran to the parking lot to take out my activa scooter, but my luck ran poor there too. I found that its back tyre was punctured. I was already late for office, I didn't have the time to take it to a garage for repairs. I thought of taking a taxi instead to go to my office.

As my luck would have it, first I couldn't find an auto or a taxi anywhere along the road for the first few minutes and then when I finally saw one auto approaching me and made it to stop, I found someone else quickly arriving to claim his ride in that auto. The driver too agreed to take him to his destination but wasn't ready to go my way. It soon left and I couldn't find another auto or a taxi anytime soon. I got more flustered. It seemed like my luck was hell bent on showering misery over me that day. The sun too was beating down mercilessly, the heat was unbearable, it was not only hot but humid too.

Finally I saw a taxi coming my way. As soon as it stopped, I quickly got into the car and asked the driver to drive me to my office's location, without giving him a chance to say a "no". Fortunately he agreed to take me there. However the interior of the car was anything but clean, the seats were filthy, ripped and worn. There was also a foul smell coming from the bottom. But I could hardly complain now, I was already running late for my office. So I sat quietly and only prayed anxiously for the ride to reach its destination as quick as it could. My problems though were far from being over. If all my woes since morning weren't enough, our taxi now got stuck in a traffic jam at the intersection! My office was still some distance away, so I couldn't have walked all the way from there. I had no other option but to wait for the traffic to clear. To put up with the foul smell coming from the taxi's floor, I started looking out of the window.

Just then I noticed a thing that not only melted my heart but also made me to forget all about the bad things that I had been experiencing since morning. Suddenly my face lit up with hope and optimism. I saw a young man stop his bike at the road junction and go down to the other side of the road, because he saw a blind man struggling to cross the busy street. None of the vehicles had bothered until then to even slow down their vehicles to let the blind man cross the road nor had any pedestrian who were standing alongside the blind man come forward to help him. But this young man held the blind man's hands and helped him get across the road safely. I saw the blind man patting the boy's shoulder and thanking him for his help, before he walked away slowly.

By then the traffic light had turned green at my end too and my taxi had started to move again. But the incident touched my heart deeply and left an indelible mark. It proved that there are still some kind-hearted souls around. The world isn't entirely devoid of humanity.

God truly works in mysterious ways! He provides you with moments to turn around a bad day and alter your mood. Just when I thought that the world has got filled up with hatred and rage and people have become too selfish to bother about anyone else, He makes me come across a little incident that gives me hope that not all goodness has gone away.

Humanity still exists

*** The post is about how I got over the pain of a rejection and started afresh. I would like to thank Housing.com for having given me the opportunity to write about it. More can be found about them here ***

Most of us would have faced rejection in life at some point in time. It's not easy coping with the pain. Especially if someone gets rejected in love. There is nothing quite like the heartache of an unrequited love. When someone gives her heart and soul to a person whom she loves and then gets rejected, gets to know that her feelings aren't reciprocated, it completely breaks her down. She feels shattered. It's very hard to recover from that pain. You don't get over it just like that, it's not easy to wipe off those memories, it takes some time but that too doesn't come easy or quickly. Every minute seems like a year, the pain is intense, the memories would be stinging your heart, so it feels unbearable.

I was only 19 when I fell deeply in love with one of my classmates. We had become good friends since the start of our college, right from the day of our orientation program. We were in the same batch and the same course. He was a very quiet and a simple-natured person, I would often find him at the library and he came across as a studious boy, so I had kind of started to like him. But I had no idea that he too had nurtured same feelings for me too. So I was completely bowled over when one day he came to me and proposed. I had never fallen in love before, I was very young too, so it was a strange feeling but I loved it. Before I knew, I was completely and madly in love with him. I had already started to dream about my future with him. Our relationship continued even after we completed our graduation and started working, though we weren't able to meet as often as we used to do earlier. Both of us were quite serious about our careers too. Still we would meet whenever we could and spent time together. I was quite clear about getting married to him and even discussed about it with my parents too. He too told me that he had spoken to his parents. Our parents met with each other and a date was fixed for the marriage. But before that, we both got engaged to each other. So we were all set to culminate our relationship in marriage. I had already dreamt too far ahead, about experiencing the various challenges of life with him.

But my world came crashing down when suddenly one day he called me to inform that he was calling off the marriage, that he no more felt the same way for me as he previously used to do, that he had fallen in love with a girl in his office. That came as such a sharp blow that I couldn't even react. I was heart-broken. After being in love for six years, he was suddenly telling me that he didn't love me anymore and had moved on to another girl while I was still stuck with him because I loved him madly. I felt so cheated, I had never imagined that he would break my heart this way. I felt very dejected and depressed.

Eventually he got married to that girl a few months later while I had gone into a depression. I had left my job, I had stopped picking up calls from my friends, I just couldn't think about anything else. I had not only locked myself up in my room but had also in a way cut myself off from the outer world. I had lost my sleep completely and had even started taking sleeping pills but they too didn't come of much use after a period. My parents took me to various doctors who could only give me anti-depressant tablets but my condition remained still the same. I was just not able to pick myself up and start afresh. I was finding it very difficult to fill the emptiness in my heart, it was too much for me.

Then one day I suddenly woke up from my pills-induced sleep and found both maa and baba sitting beside me. They were both crying. That was when I realised how I had been giving them pain, that for one relationship, I had been neglecting them. I had built up walls around me. I wasn't seeing how much my family loved me and how bad they were feeling themselves on seeing in that miserable condition. I realised that life can't stop just because of one rejection. It should go on. While my ex-boyfriend had moved on with his life, I was still stuck with the failed relationship, thinking about it all the time. It struck me really hard.

It wasn't so simple to shake off the disappointment, the pain or the anger just like that but I had to start from somewhere and that's what I did. Instead of taking those anti-depressant tablets, I started to keep myself busy as as not to let negative thoughts come to my mind again. I started helping my father in his music shop. I even joined as a volunteer at an old-age home. Thus I remained busy most of the time. I let time to heal up the pain, but more than that, I had got back my desire to start life afresh. No pain is big enough to keep you down if you remain positive and are ready to start over again. It took me some time but finally I got over my heartache. Now when I look back at the time, I feel happy that it happened, because it not only made me a mature person but also it gave me a chance to cope with the pain of rejection. Now I feel fully prepared and ready to deal with any rejection that comes my way in the future.

Appreciate the Love of your Loved Ones

*** The post is dedicated to my father's memory. I would also like to thank Housing.com for having given me the opportunity to write about togetherness. More can be found about them here ***

So often we tend to neglect or fail to give enough time to our loved ones because we are busy running after materialistic things. Things are different when we are kids, when we are very young, our world revolves around our parents, our nearest family and our friends. But that tends to slowly change as we start growing up. Our priorities change and even without us knowing, we tend to slowly move away from our family and friends. In the bargain however, we loose out on treasuring the love and affection that only our loved ones can give us and not our material wealth! Because of this hunger of ours to acquire wealth, success in career, position and fame in the society, we slowly end up becoming like robots with no emotions. We remain stressed out and often vent out our frustrations on our loved ones.

A similar thing happened with me too a few years back. After my mother's death, I asked my father to come over to my place and start living with me. I couldn't have left him all alone back there. Moreover he was getting older. But he had always been a very simple person and preferred an uncomplicated and quiet life. He wasn't used to the fast, and noisy city life. So he wasn't too fond of Delhi but then he loved me too much to ever complain about it. On the other hand, I had somehow become so absorbed with my work and my own life that I couldn't even realise when I had moved so farther away from him even though we lived under the same roof. I used to work late in the office and so by the time, I came back home, he would have gone to sleep. In the mornings, I used to be in such a hurry  to leave for my office that we hardly ever got to talk with each other, not even for a few minutes on the breakfast table. My father was watching silently but never complained to me. He would keep sitting on the arm chair looking at my mother's portrait on the wall, as if he was silently conversing with her. I had neevr noticed this before.

Then on the fateful morning, which happened to be a holiday, I had decided to sleep late into the afternoon, after all the hard work in the office the previous night. Unfortunately Shilpi, my maid, hadn't come that morning. Since I was still sleeping, so Baba decided to make his tea himself. He made tea for me too and also made suji halwa (he still remembered how much I love suji halwa) and a few chapattis. Let me tell you that my father is a tremendous cook and he often used to help my mother in the kitchen. But ever since her death, he had lessened his visits to the kitchen. I remember even when I used to be a small kid, how he used to sometimes treat me with his bread omelette and milk shake on Sundays. That day too, he had prepared the breakfast for me with all his love and came into my room to wake me up. But I was so stressed out because of my work-related problems from the previous night, that I literally shouted at him for waking me up early. "Who told you to go to the kitchen and prepare all these? Why can't you sit quietly in your room and let others do their job? This is Shilpi's work and she will do this, not you", I shouted at him.

He felt pained but didn't say anything to me, instead he just left the breakfast on the bed table and quietly left the room. A few minutes later, I realised what a grave mistake I had committed. He was the same person who had always patiently heard me and used to answer each and every silly question that I put to him when I was young. He had always treated me like a princess whereas I had hurt him immensely even though he was only being affectionate towards me. I felt guilty about my conduct. Immediately I ran to his room and hugged him tightly and apologised for my behaviour. Well, I was always his darling daughter and so he forgave me instantly. I freshened up and then we had the breakfast that he had prepared for me. The suji halwa tasted so good, and why wouldn't it have? He had put in all his love into it! We had our tea together and we talked about my childhood days and reminisced of our old times, we remembered my mother too.

Since it was a holiday and i didn't have to go to the office, so I decided to cook lunch for us. I made his favourite meal that day - rajma chawal, raita and kheer. I wanted to make him feel special. After having lunch together, we also sat down to watch one of our favourite movies - Jaane Bhi Do Yaron - that was being shown on a particular TV channel. I would have watched this movie probably a hundred times but watching it with Baba was something different. Because it was him who had shown me this movie for the first time when I was a kid. We also went out for a walk in the park in the evening and while coming back, we decided to have dinner at a restaurant. He used to love Mughlai food and so we went to old Delhi and had a nice dinner. This was some three years ago. My father passed away last year. Now when I look back to the days that i spent with him, I wish I had given more time than I did. But once a person is gone forever, however much we may want to, we don't get a chance to correct our mistakes. Though I didn't get to spend as much time with him as that particular day but after that fateful day, I made sure that I gave him enough of my time when I was at home and made him smile. That days shall remain as one of my most memorable days ever.

We often tend to forget that it's only for our loved ones that we are working so hard. It is of no use if we aren't able to give them enough time. It's not our wealth and luxuries that would make them happy, rather it's our love and time that they wish to have more. One doesn't need grand gestures to make someone feel special. Make your loves ones your first priority and give them time. value your relationships, devote time to improving them, rather than running after worldly possessions.

Sometimes people like to say things they don't really mean

Jesus had once said "What we believe is what we say and what we say is what we believe. They work hand-in-hand, together". But does this really hold true always? Is it really true in today's time? Do people really mean what they say? Do they speak out the truth all the time? I agree and fully understand that sometimes it's the need of the hour, sometimes we do that because we don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

Say for example, a small kid has drawn a cat and has coloured it with all possible and available pastels! Yet I would be telling him "this is so beautiful". Why? The reason is simple. Likewise there are many other such cases, sometimes we say things which we don't really mean and it's because we don't want to hurt the other person!

But then there are times when we would do better if we speak the truth and be true to the person before us! He/she will be hurt even more when he/she comes to know that all those butter-coated words that we had been telling him/her are nothing but lies! That would hurt him/her even more! Some people are really very sensitive and emotional, I am one of them. I know perhaps I don't have that big heart to hold myself upright when I have been dealt a blow emotionally! But still, I would expect people to be true and honest.

People shouldn't make someone believe that they want to be with them and make this world of illusion just to please them, when they really have other ideas! If someone is not interested in someone else anymore, why can't they just let them go and let them be happy? No, it's not just about love matters alone. Say for instance - I say someone that whenever he feels like talking to me, he can ring me up anytime. And he rings, he rings because I had taken the initiative but then I say that I am busy, or something else, plainly say I try to avoid him. Won't that hurt him? He called me up in the first place because I had told him so! We should be sincere in what we are saying. The person before us mightn't like our true words, but then at least he won't be in a false illusion!

In some other cases, it's selfishness that drives people to do so! Some people will hold on to someone they don't want, to keep themselves from being alone. Then they'll cheat on that person when they find someone else. Unfortunately, the victim involved is caught completely off guard when he/she is finally dumped. It's a cruel game, to say the least.

Some people are trained to be polite from birth. Politeness translates into "little white lies" in order to let other people down gently. I understand they are too good to hurt someone. But generally speaking "why say things which you don't mean, at the first place?"

If a person wants to hang out with you because he or she is "bored", then it means your job will be to entertain him or her and you won't get anything out of it yourself except the "wonderful" feeling of having kept someone from being bored. But we shouldn't keep high hopes. Because more often than not, you may be hurt, when the truth comes out!

So be honest and true while saying things, however bitter it might seem. Because keeping someone in false illusions would hurt him or her even more when the truth is disclosed!

The key to my Happiness is Lesser emotional dependance

The last few days, I have kept myself busy in studying other people, trying to notice their little mannerisms and habits, trying to understand their thoughts and nature. But today let me try studying myself! Let me try analyzing my thoughts.... Let me know how much I know myself, how much I understand myself?
What am I looking for? What have I been searching for all these days? Whatever might be my answer, but it will perhaps eventually sum up to "happiness".

What then is the key to remaining happy?
Should I really depend on someone else to keep me happy? Or should I start searching happiness within me? Which one of the two is more sustainable? I think I had been more dependent on others to keep myself happy all this while, rather than being happy with myself. How I wish I had known earlier how to keep myself happy without depending on anyone else. That way, I would have lesser expectations, lesser complaints, lesser heartbreaks I think.

I have been fooling myself saying that I will be pouring all my love into any relationship that I make, without expecting anything in return. But actually am'nt I looking for love in return? Amn't I expecting that whoever I talk to, whoever I converse with would reciprocate my feelings as well?
But is that really possible? Is it possible to always get what we want? Afterall, everyone has his or her own life.... why would one live his or her life along my lines? That would be selfishness on my part, isn't it?

If I am able to understand all these, why then am I still in pain? Dard fhir kis baat ka hai? Why am I still searching my happiness in others? Didn't I tell my heart not to look for it anywhere else but inside me? Why am not I then been able to find happiness? I tried keeping myself away from everyone, didn't I? But how far have I been successful in doing that? Why am I still trying to be among people, when perhaps I need to keep myself alone for some time, when perhaps I need to distance myself from people?

For a change, let me try remaining lost within myself for a few days. Will I be able to do that? I have lost count of how many times I have said this. I am still failing...

One Mouth, Two Ears

Today while I was just Googling through on the internet...somehow my eyes fell on an article "How to End a Conversation With a Talkative Person"

I got curious and started reading .....

Here are a few examples given there ---
"Oh, I'm really sorry, but I have to go, it's dinner time. I'll call you tomorrow, OK? Bye!"

"Sorry got to go, there's someone at the door, bye" :D

For a moment, I thought that was meant for me to realise....I have become so much a talkative person now, I don't exactly remember if I always have been this way but I seriously don't realize how much I talk, when I start once. How and where from did I pick this habit? I don't know but I don't think  I  was ever this chatterbox before, during my early childhood.

I know I could have a go at a "talking marathon" and probably win it too :D But am not I too shy and an introverted person? If I'm in a big group, I am usually the one talking the most/loudest, but if I am just with one person, I'm much less talkative for some reason, unless it is someone I am relatively close to.

And the fault perhaps lies in the fact that I don't think about the person listening to me, about him or her...I just go on talking and talking until I am finished. But what about him or her?  How would he or she be feeling?
What do you do when a talkative person takes over the conversation? Say a person like me.
(More often than not, I just take over everything and everyone and can go on and on...... even I realise this and feel embarrassed for my habit....but am unable to stop myself once I get started, have tried to restrain myself while talking but have failed each time... I simply fail to keep my mouth shut).

People around me all the time try to be patient and gracious, but there have been a couple of times when graciousness and patience and courtesy have simply been strained past the breaking point, had to be..... I do feel hurt when someone bluntly says something, but I must also realise that I had broken apart their patience...there has to be a limit to everything....

When we interact with others, we have two choices - to listen to what others have to say or to speak and have them listen to us. Neither way is wrong or right. As is often the case in life, successful living requires balance. There needs to be a balance in our communication with others as well! It's not that I don't listen to them...I do listen as well, but when I talk, i talk so much that the other person virtually gets fed up to say anything.....

Yes, I am over talkative and I should get this habit fixed.....
Nonstop, incessant talking becomes tedious for others, though I mayn't be realising it. Some of my best times have been just to be in the presence of another with no agenda, no time limit and no expectations. But not always, not for everyone ....

That happy babbling about nothing important - maybe that's all there is to me, but not always for everyone.

I must remember that there is a reason God gave me one mouth and two ears!! Sometimes I need to restrain myself..... may be just a little bit....
But what on earth am I supposed to do if I am naturally an overly talkative person? That is the real me! Still then, I need to learn maintaining a balance ... else a time will come, when everyone will start avoiding me in a group!

Moving on

When things happen, they happen for a reason.
Live life and don't look back, no matter who you leave behind...
I now got to accept it somehow.
For one can never move back ... and when one moves forward, she should move with neither hurt or Love, but instead with purpose...
because hurt will only consume one, and Love will only blind one ... but purpose will drive her forward...

Once someone gets into one's heart, she can never forget him or get over the memories, no matter how much pain she would have to bear...
It's really difficult when one loves someone for unexplainable reasons....
this feeling from underneath my skin wants me go back to you, as if I am blinded in love...
No matter how long i go without talking, you always find a way back into my heart each day... no matter how hard i try to forget you, i fail.... seems like i can`t ...
But no more of "what ifs" now... it is finally time for me to move on.... I should.....
I can't do this to myself anymore, i owe it to myself.
i will have to push aside all forlorn thoughts and leave behind all bittersweet memories
I will never forget you, or the times we shared but I can't go on like this... I can't make it difficult for you and me...

Nothing will turn back time... it’s best not to keep holding onto you... because you were never mine... you never were in love with me, i fell in love with you ..... and it surely hurts even now because i loved u with the whole of me... more than i could have ever loved anyone, it is so overwhelming even now but it was my one sided love and that's the truth...
You chose the right path...  now it's my turn....
The hours of missing you still drive me insane... I don’t know how to do that but I have to move on now.
I wish I knew how to turn over the pages of heart...
I just wish falling out of love was easier than falling in love...