This is an obsession... it's blissful, painful and chaotic - all at the same time... it's killing me, each time, every moment, each day... and yet i am repeating it, yet I am reagy to embrace this pain... like an unending loop, it's continuing.
While I sit in this dark, talking to these walls, with sealed lips and sleep-dried, blurred eyes heavy with water.. mindlessly typing words that i continuously fail to bury inside... whatever comes out from within, your thoughts and memories give me company.
I am fed up with these burning eyes and yet I'm helpless...
in each one of my silences, I'm thinking about you ... every night, I'm calling out your name..
i shouldn't be, i know... i have no right over you now..i never had any... but i fail each time to this unrelenting heart's call... It has now become my obsession...
I can't stop thinking about you.. I can't stop dreaming about you... I can't stop searching you around...
i know you are nowhere here... and yet I am stretching out my hands, searching for you in the dark....
i simply don't know how to stop...
This is wrong.... It's a forbidden love, a mirage i am trying to run after ... it's a dead end ..
and the only person who would get hurt is me... yet I'm blinded by this obsession

Lose weight easily with Honey Diet

*** The post is about how one can lose weight easily by undertaking the Dabur Honey diet instead of resorting to crash diets. I would like to thank Dabur Honey for having given me the opportunity to write about it. More can be found about them here ***

Everyone wishes to have a slim and toned body. People feel better about themselves when their body weight is normal and they are in proper shape. However not everyone gets successful in having a lean body. when someone is over-weight, she would be more likely to have depression and low self-esteem. Because over-weight people are often looked down upon. She would thus be low in confidence as well, while interacting with others. What follows is stress, sadness, and anxiety. But it's not just about psychological problems. Being over-weight can also can increase the risk of serious health problems like heart disease, diabetes, blood pressure etc.

So it's natural for one to lose the excess body weight. Nothing wrong in that, but most people nowadays want a quick-fix solution - they want to lose weight fast and so they do crazy and desperate things. Instead of trying to lose weight gradually and steadily by following a healthy dietary plan and a suitable exercise regimen or more physical activity, they often subject themselves to crash diets or intense exercise regimens. They almost go on fasts or deprive themselves of a proper diet. As a result, they unwittingly end up harming their own health.

I too had tried crash dieting - a liquid only diet - for a short period of time on the advice of my friends. I would eat nothing but only vegetable soup and fruit juice, all day long. They did help me in losing about 7 kilos in one week! But I also felt very weak, so weak that I wasn't even able to do my daily chores properly. Thank God, I eventually went back to sensible eating.

Crash dieting may give one quick results but it isn't good on a long-term basis. In fact it can be dangerous if one continues to crash diet for too long. It can harm your heart and increases the risk of heart attacks. Such dietary plans which result in rapid weight loss only result in slowing down one's metabolism and so also deprives her body of essential nutrients. They also weaken one's immune system and puts a lot of stress on the liver. As metabolism slows down, the body starts storing fat instead of burning them off and thus instead of losing weight, one starts gaining it. One also feels very weak and often gets shortness of breath when she follows such radical crash diets.

One can instead go for Honey diet if she wants to lose weight and maintain a healthy weight on a long term basis. Usually it's sugar who is the main culprit causing one to gain unwanted weight. It only adds empty calories whereas to digest sugar, many essential vitamins and minerals stored in the body get used up, which would have otherwise helped in dissolving fats and cholesterol. If one substitutes sugar with honey, it will help one lose weight more effectively as it helps in improving the metabolism. Honey also contains sugar but it also contains many beneficial vitamins and minerals like Vitamin C, Vitamin B6, riboflavin, protein, iron, sodium, potassium, zinc, calcium and also fiber. It also provides energy.

Drinking about one spoonful of honey mixed with warm water stimulates the growth of good cholesterol in the body and so one feels very active and it also stops the cravings for food. Honey can also be taken with warm water and lemon juice on an empty stomach first thing in the morning to lose weight. Some people also consume honey (1 tbsp) mixed with 1 tsp of cinnamon powder and a cup of warm water that would have been boiled and cooled down a bit. These solutions help one immensely in losing weight because honey contains 22 amino acids and many vitamins and minerals which improve the body’s metabolism. As a result, food gets digested properly and fat gets converted into usable energy. So not only does one feel energized but also succeeds in burning off the excess fat.

Photo copyrights: www.fandbfood.com

Would it be selfishness to seek our own happiness?

"All men seek happiness without exception. They all aim at this goal however different the means they use to attain it."

No, it’s not bad to seek for one’s own happiness. But sometimes we get so much engrossed in our own happiness that we fail to see anyone else standing beside us. We are unable to see beyond us, beyond our world. If we just want our own happiness, at whatever costs that may take, (to hell with others), perhaps we may attain our happiness one day, perhaps….. (because now that we are focusing on only one thing – our happiness). But will that be sustainable? Sustainable for a longer period of time?? Today we want this, may be tomorrow we would no more like that thing, we would start loving something else!!

For most of us, perhaps nothing matters more than us….. our problems, to us, our miseries seem to be the biggest of all in the whole world! Who cares if the child I am teaching is upset about getting lesser marks… I am more upset because I am getting lesser salary for teaching this kid! Most of the time, we can’t see for others…. But thinking only about ourselves, our happiness all the time will and can never give us sustainable happiness, for sure. Sometimes we need to see the world beyond us…….we need to understand others as well.

We are so engrossed within ourselves, we want our happiness, and at the earliest. We can’t wait any longer if that happiness is taking a bit longer to come! We might have enjoyed the best of times a few years ago, we might have experienced some of the magical moments just a few moments ago…but we can’t think of those moments, those good times to ever end……. We want them to stay as long as we want to……. Because we want to remain happy all the time!

But why do we forget that after a full day's sunshine, the sun has to go away, and darkness has to set in to take it's place? That’s the rule….. nothing will stay for ever….. if today we are having the best of times, tomorrow we mayn’t be having that luxury…so should we start cursing? Why can’t we wait a bit longer…for those happier times to return back? Why can't we show some patience? Why do we always put all the blame on God…Why has to He be our favourite punching bag all the time? If something good is happening to us, we forget Him, but as soon as something bad happens, we start cursing Him. Is He doing all this to only us, for virtually no reason? We hold Him responsible for all our misfotunes. During our good times, we may n’t be praying Him, we were busy with ourselves! But as soon as something bad happens, we come running to Him. And if He takes a bit of longer time to solve that problem, we start cursing Him! It’s because of Him only that we are in this misery…isn’t it? The thing is, we can never look onto ourselves, I mean, our mistakes, because we feel we never make any and so never deserved any bad time to befell us, at any moment! Whatever good happens, it’s because we did good, so got good results. But if something bad is happening with us, it’s because God is doing such with us, He is being partial with us……..

We mayn’t understand this…… but He still never hits back at us, when we curse Him for our bad times. That’s why we can never be like Him! He still will accommodate us within Himself.

Coming back to the topic, it is not seeking our own happiness that is selfish; it is seeking our own private happiness at the expense of others that is so. I just need to be normal and wait for the bad phases to go away, till then just carry on and go on and on... but I don't need to fake being happy.

…Because others sense and respond to my happiness, I now understand, one of the best ways to serve others is to be happy. I don’t mean faking happiness, as some do when they smile and claim to be happy but are unhappy and dissatisfied on the inside. Others can very well sense whether we are actually happy or are faking our happiness. What I mean to say is that by remaining content and happy with whatever we are having right now in our lives, we will also be able to improve our relationships wioth people around us, we will be able to spread positivity. As a result, happiness is bound to come to us sooner than later.

I have indeed found that when I treat my life with a positive approach, others too around me found me friendly and welcomed me into their lives. No one wishes to be around a glum person but everyone would want to be with a cheerful one.  Before even strangers used to look away but now even they have started to greet me with a smile, reciprocating my smiles.  My friends and family have started coming to me more often now and my relationship with them never felt so stronger and deeper before. I have now learnt how to create happiness around me and inside me.  I don’t need to tell everyone that I am feeling good, even a simple smile produces the positive effect almost instantly.

If I want to make others happy, I need to be happy myself, I need to know what it feels like to be happy! Being happy within oneself is indeed a very good habit. It's only when we are happy can we make others happy too, not otherwise. We can't pretend to be happy when from inside we are unhappy about something or the other. We only need to accept things, the failings, the sad times and move on. Nothing is this world is perfect, we can only see that perfectness in movies…. Not in real life. Though directors and producers, the movie actors will keep on saying that movies are taken from real life!! But in reality, we need to learn to accept things as they are, not by how the things should be; as to how we want them to be!!! We can never ever be happy when we keep cribbing about this and that, if we keep on looking at just the negative things in everything ---- this glass is half-empty, I am not that taller, I am dark-skinned etc etc….. why can’t we say that the glass is half full!

One of the easiest signs by which you can tell that you are thinking too much about something not being perfect is when you start complaining. Whatever it is that you are complaining about, it’s obviously something you don’t like (or why would you be complaining?). If it’s something you don’t like, why are you wasting your time and energy thinking about it? Spending energy on something gives it importance in your life, whether that energy is negative or positive. However much impact something has in your life, in who you are, is determined by how much importance you give it.

So in short - we can all find what makes us happy and hold on to it and enjoy it. We can make that happiness to last a bit longer if we can share it with someone else. Because not only us but everyone else too deserves to be happy. 

In a soul mate we find, not company but a completed solitude...
My heart feels like crumbling down when I see you depressed...
I feel like being choked when i imagine you crying or in pain
I fear of asking you every now and then, nagging you about how you are, if everything is okay...
But I will do anything to make you smile again
You are my life....., To my soul, you are my much needed food...
Your cheerful, smiling existence fuels mine..
God didn't grant you as my soul mate... I couldn't have you in my life for every breath of mine, for every blink of my eyes...
but yet I constantly feel like we arw uniquely intertwined for ever!
When I get to talk to you, you bring me alive..
I love spending time just being with you, so what if we are miles apart..
Your care, your affection, the trust you place on me to confide everything in...
I feel like living again... You soothe my fiery spirit each time like a cooling balm...
I am a squall, you are my calm...
Once again that buried feeling emerges from the core of my heart --
-- You were created for me and I for you... We are one soul, split in two
Please cheer up... I pray fervently to God to do anything to bring back your smile

Why can't there be a perfect ending to each story?

I fell in love .... inspite of my deficiencies .... But just couldn't know how and when .... just couldn't know at all .... It was unintentional, unintended ..... it shouldn't have been ..... I am n't the right person for you perhaps .... yet this heart is just not listening .....
My whole world has changed upside down .... I am still not been able to understand .... bikhar sa gaya hei sab kuch jaise ...... ek taraf yeh guilt khaye ja rahi hei..... dusri taraf dil ko samjha nahin paa rahi hun.... durr jaana chahati hun, ja nahin paa rahi hun...ek essi koi cheez kheech ke, baandh ke ab tak roki hui hei... apne aap ko chudaa nahin paa rahi hun iss bandhan se ..... I am just not being able to free myself from this bonding, this attachment .... in spite of my deficiencies that I know ....

Can I control whom I fall in love with? Why can't I tame my heart? Why am I not been able to tame this unrelenting heart?

Falling in love with someone "who loves you but isn't in love with you", perhaps......
Being fond of someone very very much and being in love with him or her are perhaps two different things .... There is indeed a vast difference between "loving someone" and "being in love with someone". Why do people get into one-sided love? Humare mann mein jaise achanak feelings aajaate hein, waisa hi feelings dusre ke dil mein kyun nahin aate? Pyar humesah do tarfaa kyun nahin hota? Hum apni khamiyaan jaante huye bhi, kyun dil lagaa bethte hein.... apne khushi ke liye, kyun kisi ke saath khilwaad kar bethte hein, why do we forget about our short comings, our deficiencies? Kya soch ke pyaar kar bethi? Yeh kyun dil ko samjhaa nahin parahi? This is not the real love then.... Agar wakai mein sacha pyaar hotaa, to dusre ki khushi jiss mein hoti, wohi dil chahata ...yeh to selfish wala pyaar hei.... apne ko khush karne wala pyaar. How can I be so selfish? Even after knowing everything, why isn't this heart listening and letting go?

Loving someone who doesn't love you, who is fond of you, likes you but not in that way, who loves you but in the same way as he loves others, who doesn't even know, who isn't even aware of the feelings, is like reaching for a star, you know you'll never reach it, but you still keep trying .... this heart just doesn't listen, even if when I am aware of the practicality, par mann ko samjhaa nahin paarahi. Sab kuch pre-planned kyun nahin ho paata? Why couldn't I come to know of my own feelings before? Why couldn't I stop myself from going further? Yeh dil kisiki suntaa kyun nahin?

Main durr jaane ki koshish karti hun to yeh dard bardaasth nahin hotaa, durr reh nahin paa rahi hun. Humesha, har wakt paas rehna chahati hun, yeh mann nahin maanta durr jaane ko. But looking at myself, aapne khamiyon ko jab dekhti hun, to durr bhagne ko dimaag kehta hei, durr chali jaaun, bahut durr...., par yeh dil durr jaane ko de nahin raha hei...... iss dil aur dimaag ke ladhai mein bich mein rehke main peesh chuki hun, ...... kiski sunnu?? This intense pain is killing me now..... You would be in pain but still would be craving for the special someone, even if knowing that he could never be yours. Why do people dream? Baar baar kyun kichi chali jaa rahi hun? Why amn't I being able to tame my heart? Why amn't I being able to shed off this selfishness of mine?

It's not easy being in love with someone who means everything that you want and have them not feel the same about you! Then again, it's not easy having someone love you and think you are everything they want and you don't feel the same about them....

Can I control whom I fall in love with? Why can't I?
Why can't this love be pre-planned? Why didn't I and couldn't I know whom I was falling for? kyun achanak se pyar aataa hei, sab ulat palat ke chalaa jaata hei. Kya milta hei is dil ko esse dard deke? Why can't I open my eyes to reality? Why am I still wanting something that I know myself that I can't have? That I am perhaps not worthy of getting.. main asli hakhdaar nahin hun...par fhirbi kyun mann maan nahin raha?

jitna bhi koshish kar rahi hun durr jaane ko, sab bhull jaane ko, kyun baar baar mann wahin le jaata hei. Why amn't I being able to be normal like before? Why amn't I being able to be practical? Iss mann ko kyun nahin samjhaa paa rahi hun? Kyun kaaboo mein rakh nahin paa rahi hun?

I don't know why it feels so right when its so wrong, when I know my own failings, my own short-comings.... I cant understand myself, I can't trust my feelings any more. Why did I and how could I not know? that I am falling in love ...
Apne aap se, apne mann se tab se ladhti aarahi hun..... I want to stop myself from thinking about him, have been trying so so hard, but amn't been able to... want to take my thoughts away, want to concentrate on something else, want to keep myself busy in some work, but I amn't been able to take him away from thoughts ... kyun nahin bhullaa paa rahi hun? jitni koshish karti hun durr jaane ko, his thoughts keep coming back. Why are you playing with my feelings, Bhagwanji?

Aakhir main khud kya chahati hun? Durr jaana chahati hun, par durr reh nahin paati ... paas jaa nahin shakti. I want to sleep, want to remain lost in deep sleep, but these sleeping pills are no more effective, they no more are able to induce sleep .... har cheez se mann ugg chuka hei..... why can't I get my mind, my heart blank? Apne hi dil pe apna hi kaabu nahin? ... being with so many people around me, yet remaining cut-off, forlorn, lonesome, all alone... so far away ... lost in thoughts..... bheed mein hote huye bhi tanhaa.... there are so many people around me, everyone loves me so much, they care for me so much but I have become like blind, yeh dil kuch aur dekhta hi nahin, kuch aur samajhta hi nahin ... I am failing to see beyond him, failing to think beyond him.
Sabse bhaag rahi hun...... When I know the reality, when I know that I am day-dreaming, when I know of my own short-comings, still I am not able to control my feelings, why am n't I being able to rein in my feelings, my heart ? ... Why do I continue to day-dream?
When I am fully aware of what should be the practical right ending to the story, why am I still looking for a twist? I have become so confused, confused about my feelings, confused about my selfishness, confused about everything ..... Why am I failing to see beyond my own happiness each time?
Yeh dil kisiki suntaa kyun nahin hei! Will I be able to rein in my feelings, this uncontrollable heart? Why amn't I being able to let you go?

Let the time take its own course

"If you love something, set it free;
if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was"
Sometimes it's very essential that we keep within ourselves and hold ourselves back from others ... instead of thinking about others, we may think about ourselves and let time take its own course. There are a lot of things that we really love -- our parents, husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend or children. One may even be loving his/her car, bike, home or even his/her new mobile phone.

But asking myself a weird question, 'Do I love myself?' Do I love that person I see in the mirror standing in front of it every day? If someone finds that he has many things in life to be grateful for but is still not happy with, the reason may be because he hasn't learnt to love himself.

Now if I analyse even more further and go into my imaginations .....

Imagining that there was someone with whom I had to spend the rest of my life with. I had to spend every minute of every day with this person, day in and day out. This person is the first I see when I wake up in the morning and the last person I see when I go to sleep.

This person is there on all my life's special occasions: my birthday, my college graduation day, my wedding and finally, my funeral. This person is there during all of my life's ups and downs. This person shares my sorrows and my joys.

When I are down, only this person can cheer me up. When I fall, only this person can pick me up. When I set a goal, only this person can give me the motivation and confidence to achieve it. This person will never leave me and is the only one I can truly depend on.

And now suppose If I didn't like this person, wouldn't my life be absolutely miserable? I would be forever stuck to a person I didn't like. I wouldn't be able to do anything! This person is ME!

I am the most important person in my own life!

When one really loves someone, he always want the very best for him or her! He would do anything for him/her. He would make sacrifices for him/her and defend him/her if anyone speaks badly of him/her.

The same thing should go when one loves himself.

To love one self is not to be selfish; to be selfish is to impose onto others for them to love us only the way we want. To love oneself is the first step into being able to love others with an open heart, with understanding, with full devotion by giving them the best of us, and not by giving them all of us without having paid the same respect and attention to our own nature as we do to them. Our love for others is somewhat incomplete if we cannot love our own selves, and it makes sense, how can we love others fully and give them the best love we have when we cannot love the person we are???

So sometimes it's better that we lock ourselves up from others and enjoy being with ourselves ... only me and myself .... and let the time decide on its own. Perhaps doing so will also cure my emotional dependency as well.

Uncontrollable emotions

I am screaming in my head...
Over and over I scream inside my splintering mind in the hope that if I scream loud enough, you will somehow hear it... But you perhaps never do... and why should you? How would you hear my screams?
I was never able to tell you.... so you will never know. All you know is that I say I love you... but you will never really know... about these heartbeats that are still yearning for you...

Like an uncontrollable wildfire, I'm engulfed.. completely immersed in love for you..
Sitting here and talking to myself, rehearsing all the things I want to say to you, the next time you come before me... But I am afraid I will never be able to say them to you.. i know it's too late now... and i will just be left with all the painful stings once again...

I'm caught writhing in the different loves I feel for you. Still lost in your love as if you are my other half, Loving you as my best friend, Loving you as a lover for all the lil things you do and for all the ways you make me feel...i know you think it’s weird... i know it's grossly wrong of me to do so now... I know you will again say "move on now...i m now gone..."
but believe me, i have tried a lot... but i am powerless, helpless.. i can only love you... Now it has become beyond my control...
Can I somehow get salvation? from this uncontrollable force that pulls me in towards you and refuses to let go? I'm bleeding out from all these pores.... this heart aches for you... I'm trapped in these dreams, but you are still always out of reach... it hits me hard and each tear that denies being shed, leaves the lingering feelings of death.

I never could tell you, because I was afraid I might lose you, that fear of losing you forever stopped me from disclosing my feelings, what if you had said "no"...,
and now i will never know....if you could have loved me, if i had professed my feelings for you on time! I only sit and wonder.. What if? ... What if i was the one you had chosen?... I could have you with me to share all my breath, my every breath..i could have talked with you at any time I wanted to, i could see your smile anytime i wanted to, i could hear your heartbeat at anytime i wanted to... i lost you.. i lost you forever... it's killing me, these thoughts...

I know you don't have the same feelings for me, as i have for yu.... i know now it's late... i wont have your love ever...
and it hurts, it's definitely killing me to know that you are not mine... you will never be...
but i still want to be near you.. i still want to hurt myself
and feel nothing more but this pain of an unrequitted love...
I can't breathe but I can't leave too...  It's so painful, but is so relieving as well... so i still love you...
I don't know if it's right or wrong... but I can't stop myself from loving you...