The key to my Happiness is Lesser emotional dependance

The last few days, I have kept myself busy in studying other people, trying to notice their little mannerisms and habits, trying to understand their thoughts and nature. But today let me try studying myself! Let me try analyzing my thoughts.... Let me know how much I know myself, how much I understand myself?
What am I looking for? What have I been searching for all these days? Whatever might be my answer, but it will perhaps eventually sum up to "happiness".

What then is the key to remaining happy?
Should I really depend on someone else to keep me happy? Or should I start searching happiness within me? Which one of the two is more sustainable? I think I had been more dependent on others to keep myself happy all this while, rather than being happy with myself. How I wish I had known earlier how to keep myself happy without depending on anyone else. That way, I would have lesser expectations, lesser complaints, lesser heartbreaks I think.

I have been fooling myself saying that I will be pouring all my love into any relationship that I make, without expecting anything in return. But actually am'nt I looking for love in return? Amn't I expecting that whoever I talk to, whoever I converse with would reciprocate my feelings as well?
But is that really possible? Is it possible to always get what we want? Afterall, everyone has his or her own life.... why would one live his or her life along my lines? That would be selfishness on my part, isn't it?

If I am able to understand all these, why then am I still in pain? Dard fhir kis baat ka hai? Why am I still searching my happiness in others? Didn't I tell my heart not to look for it anywhere else but inside me? Why am not I then been able to find happiness? I tried keeping myself away from everyone, didn't I? But how far have I been successful in doing that? Why am I still trying to be among people, when perhaps I need to keep myself alone for some time, when perhaps I need to distance myself from people?

For a change, let me try remaining lost within myself for a few days. Will I be able to do that? I have lost count of how many times I have said this. I am still failing...

One Mouth, Two Ears

Today while I was just Googling through on the internet...somehow my eyes fell on an article "How to End a Conversation With a Talkative Person"

I got curious and started reading .....

Here are a few examples given there ---
"Oh, I'm really sorry, but I have to go, it's dinner time. I'll call you tomorrow, OK? Bye!"

"Sorry got to go, there's someone at the door, bye" :D

For a moment, I thought that was meant for me to realise....I have become so much a talkative person now, I don't exactly remember if I always have been this way but I seriously don't realize how much I talk, when I start once. How and where from did I pick this habit? I don't know but I don't think  I  was ever this chatterbox before, during my early childhood.

I know I could have a go at a "talking marathon" and probably win it too :D But am not I too shy and an introverted person? If I'm in a big group, I am usually the one talking the most/loudest, but if I am just with one person, I'm much less talkative for some reason, unless it is someone I am relatively close to.

And the fault perhaps lies in the fact that I don't think about the person listening to me, about him or her...I just go on talking and talking until I am finished. But what about him or her?  How would he or she be feeling?
What do you do when a talkative person takes over the conversation? Say a person like me.
(More often than not, I just take over everything and everyone and can go on and on...... even I realise this and feel embarrassed for my habit....but am unable to stop myself once I get started, have tried to restrain myself while talking but have failed each time... I simply fail to keep my mouth shut).

People around me all the time try to be patient and gracious, but there have been a couple of times when graciousness and patience and courtesy have simply been strained past the breaking point, had to be..... I do feel hurt when someone bluntly says something, but I must also realise that I had broken apart their patience...there has to be a limit to everything....

When we interact with others, we have two choices - to listen to what others have to say or to speak and have them listen to us. Neither way is wrong or right. As is often the case in life, successful living requires balance. There needs to be a balance in our communication with others as well! It's not that I don't listen to them...I do listen as well, but when I talk, i talk so much that the other person virtually gets fed up to say anything.....

Yes, I am over talkative and I should get this habit fixed.....
Nonstop, incessant talking becomes tedious for others, though I mayn't be realising it. Some of my best times have been just to be in the presence of another with no agenda, no time limit and no expectations. But not always, not for everyone ....

That happy babbling about nothing important - maybe that's all there is to me, but not always for everyone.

I must remember that there is a reason God gave me one mouth and two ears!! Sometimes I need to restrain myself..... may be just a little bit....
But what on earth am I supposed to do if I am naturally an overly talkative person? That is the real me! Still then, I need to learn maintaining a balance ... else a time will come, when everyone will start avoiding me in a group!