I'm trying really hard, I have been consciously pushing myself to keep myself buried with work.... I have been trying hard to keep myself engaged, in something or the other, so that I don't think about you. But however much i try, nothing but you come to my mind. I just am not able to forget you. I am still failing to clean up my slate of your memories.
Will I ever be able to do that?
Even if my natural tendency is be happy, to laugh, to be joking around but now I am no more able to behave normal like before .... I am trying hard, facebooking, tv, movies, friends .... sometimes I am even letting out a smile or a luagh, however fake that might be... but I amn't feeling that charm as before, that happiness from within isn't coming.. everything is superficial, my smiles have become forced ones.
I just wish something hits me hard and I forget everything .....
this guilt feeling is eating me up ..... and this unrelenting heart is not listening .....
My whole life has now changed ..... it has gone topsy-turby , I have tried so hard to gather myself, but I am failing each time .... I don't know why my feelings changed, why I fell in love, I am still to understand what has happened but am unable to leave, even after trying so hard ... I had never known that love would be this painful, .... kyun hua... kab se hua .... kuch bhi jaan nahin paaya..... mann ka ghulam bangaya, kab kaise kar betha .... gave away the whole of me to you ....
The one because of whom you are in intense pain, the one because of whom the heart is crying... and yet ... fhirbi yeh dil ussi ke paas jaane ko baar baar tadap raha hei.... I am getting pulled to that same person, again and again ..... probably because i had never experienced so much love from anyone else. Probably because I also got so many innumerable moments of care, affection, concern for me from you.... is this what is called love? Baar baar woh sab moments yaad aaja te hein .... har woh lamha, har woh din .... chotti se chotti baat .... no body had loved me this much .... Kaise jaaun durr tumse?
I don't think I will ever be able to love anyone else as much as I love you. Because I have no more of love left in me.... I have given all my love to you. There is nothing left, no more space left in my heart ..... I gave it all, gave it the whole of myself, have nothing left anymore of me .... However much I try to go away from you, I am getting pulled back to you every time.
Why did I turn this way? Why have I been made so emotional? Whoever gives me affection and love, why do I get entangled with him or her? Why can't I be practical that not everything that I love can be mine? Why am I not able to understand that you were never made for me?
Why am I refusing to accept that you will never love me the way I love you?
Why amn't I accepting the fact that I am the closed chapter?
"Life is like a book ... containing a hundred pages or so ....
sometimes someday a particular page seems very interesting, we love reading that page ....
But ... but after a while, we turn onto the next page and move on......
after a while other pages seem interesting too ....
and that previous particular page , even if we loved it, still like it, gets lost in the innumerable pages ....
we don't remember the page number of that page, anymore ..... "
Probably I have got some deficiencies. Why amn't I looking at my deficiencies?
yeh baat, mann kyun nahin samajh jaata? kyun nahin samajh raaha?
It's a practical thing perhaps ... we can't remain stuck up in that particular page alone, always! .....
The whole book needs to be explored!
That's a practical thing ....
Why am I doing everything from heart? Why am i still folling my heart's diktats? Why can't I use my brain instead?
However much I may try, but probably I won't be able to change myself ever ....
and perhaps, neither will I be able to make this heart understand that I can never have you in my life
Love hurts .... I had no right to fall in love ....
Will I ever be able to do that?
Even if my natural tendency is be happy, to laugh, to be joking around but now I am no more able to behave normal like before .... I am trying hard, facebooking, tv, movies, friends .... sometimes I am even letting out a smile or a luagh, however fake that might be... but I amn't feeling that charm as before, that happiness from within isn't coming.. everything is superficial, my smiles have become forced ones.
I just wish something hits me hard and I forget everything .....
this guilt feeling is eating me up ..... and this unrelenting heart is not listening .....
My whole life has now changed ..... it has gone topsy-turby , I have tried so hard to gather myself, but I am failing each time .... I don't know why my feelings changed, why I fell in love, I am still to understand what has happened but am unable to leave, even after trying so hard ... I had never known that love would be this painful, .... kyun hua... kab se hua .... kuch bhi jaan nahin paaya..... mann ka ghulam bangaya, kab kaise kar betha .... gave away the whole of me to you ....
The one because of whom you are in intense pain, the one because of whom the heart is crying... and yet ... fhirbi yeh dil ussi ke paas jaane ko baar baar tadap raha hei.... I am getting pulled to that same person, again and again ..... probably because i had never experienced so much love from anyone else. Probably because I also got so many innumerable moments of care, affection, concern for me from you.... is this what is called love? Baar baar woh sab moments yaad aaja te hein .... har woh lamha, har woh din .... chotti se chotti baat .... no body had loved me this much .... Kaise jaaun durr tumse?
I don't think I will ever be able to love anyone else as much as I love you. Because I have no more of love left in me.... I have given all my love to you. There is nothing left, no more space left in my heart ..... I gave it all, gave it the whole of myself, have nothing left anymore of me .... However much I try to go away from you, I am getting pulled back to you every time.
Why did I turn this way? Why have I been made so emotional? Whoever gives me affection and love, why do I get entangled with him or her? Why can't I be practical that not everything that I love can be mine? Why am I not able to understand that you were never made for me?
Why am I refusing to accept that you will never love me the way I love you?
Why amn't I accepting the fact that I am the closed chapter?
"Life is like a book ... containing a hundred pages or so ....
sometimes someday a particular page seems very interesting, we love reading that page ....
But ... but after a while, we turn onto the next page and move on......
after a while other pages seem interesting too ....
and that previous particular page , even if we loved it, still like it, gets lost in the innumerable pages ....
we don't remember the page number of that page, anymore ..... "
Probably I have got some deficiencies. Why amn't I looking at my deficiencies?
yeh baat, mann kyun nahin samajh jaata? kyun nahin samajh raaha?
It's a practical thing perhaps ... we can't remain stuck up in that particular page alone, always! .....
The whole book needs to be explored!
That's a practical thing ....
Why am I doing everything from heart? Why am i still folling my heart's diktats? Why can't I use my brain instead?
However much I may try, but probably I won't be able to change myself ever ....
and perhaps, neither will I be able to make this heart understand that I can never have you in my life
Love hurts .... I had no right to fall in love ....
